You and Me

Its times like this when my heart mourns love lost the most ...
Its times like this, I feel your breath against my face....
Its when the sun is shining you seem the closest, its the quiet of the night when I long for your touch....when the sky darkens and rain falls I remember tears once cried for moments we've missed..

Its laughter in my heart I long to feel again.
Its the joy in my eyes I long to see...time has passed us, memories will find us..back where we were suppose to be...me with you and you with me...

 

I Only Desire You...

May, 2013

What does it mean to allow your anointing to be prostituted or even worse yourself to be prostituted? 

Why is it so easy to give away the jewels the Lord has placed on the inside of me to undeserving people?

I guess the ultimate question is whats wrong with me? 

Different views...different values...

Is it considered a sacrifice to do whatever needs to be done for the peace and happiness of others, if it in turn sends your own soul to hell?  

Do you wait until the peace and happiness of those you love is satisfied,than run far away from the lies?  

If you have run the race this long why not keep running?  

But at the expense of others as well as my own sanity? 

Lord, you have heard my plea for provision, a security in my natural.  You have heard my deepest desires, the longing of my heart, my aspirations.  My passion for you has not died, my love for you has not faded.  My endless pleas for vindication have not subsided.  Yet I am torn by the echoing laughter of happiness and the taunting laughter of ravenous demons, who feed and devour me with thoughts of guilt and shame.  Not the shame of guilt past and forgotten but that of the sin I still reside in..  The state of untruth, the lifestyle of lies..But Lord, it is blanketed by the smells of a kitchen and the rhythm of younger feet across a hard wood floor.  The pain is masked by the smiles of faces looking back at me with sighs of relief and painted images of family.  Yet, in all of this my soul longs for deeper things, pure things, things of spiritual substance..Freedoms from self and corrupt ways.. In this I only desire you...

It's You...

July 22, 2013

Because it’s in You, I see...it’s in You I believe, it’s Your

salvation that revived a dying soul. Your pursuit for me

was without boundaries, You fought demons in the dark,

destroying them with Your marvelous light. You took those

things were dead and restored them back to life...it’s You,

it’s You...You set my feet on solid ground after stumbling

for so long, You chastened me and bound me to Your alter of grace. 
You touched my face, held my hand, picked me up

and removed my despair...You beckoned me to take my

place! It’s in You I live, in You I love, it’s You, it’s You...

Freedom

May 31, 2013

My heart breaks with disappointment... hopes of a life filled with

love that explodes from moment to moment...my soul calls after You,

yet You answer me not...was the wind I felt that day on my face

..You telling me it was time for me to say goodbye? Twisted are my

emotions...my heart aches with sorrow...broken promises, so much

deception, lies that will hurt me for a lifetime...If deep really does

cry out to deep, why are my tears falling into an abyss of

nothingness? My spirit screams Your name into a star lit sky, my

soul is tormented with loneliness...This sorrow surrounds me in times

when I should be laughing, it suffocates me in moments I should be

breathing...How could You be a lie, live a lie, justify a lie, believe a lie, 
convince others of a lie ??? Deceived I was by Your anointing of enticement, 
captivated by Your depth of understanding... 
A serpent that twists and turns and hisses at any possible sight

of my freedom... How dare You question who He says I am...How dare

You rob me of my promise...Desolation is Your address, insidious is

Your name.. My laughter would echo in unknown places of unfamiliar

territory...I was locked in a glass box with only holes for oxygen...You

played my face, You drank of my soul and growled at my

destiny...Weeping endless nights, seeking an escape, looking for a

way out...I sought after the one I know who knows me better than

anyone else, I ran into the arms of compassion and mercy, I

pursued truth and he set me free.. I desired strength and he built

me up...no more lies, no more deception...now I call the shots.....I no

longer reek like sulfur, I no longer feel Your grasp around my

throat...or Your grip around my wrist...I called and he answered, it’s

because I took of his body that was broken for me...It’s because I

drank the blood in remembrance of He, that I stand before You

finally free...

It's Natural!!! He's Super

My name should be supernatural.....Well, my middle name anyway...Michelle "supernatural" Feliciano....You'll have to excuse my sarcasm I was cooped up in the house for a day and I just left a Bible study that ran about 3 and a half hours over the normal time frame..So I'm a little Holy Spirit energized...To be honest , my Bible studies never get out on time, I actually warn people in advance, so if they have to leave , they just get up and go when they need to....Yup, that's me..Long winded, charismatic, zealous and excited about every super natural thing the Lord wants to share with the Body of Christ...I have often been warned about staying to long and being to long winded...I try ,I really do, but I am not leaving until the Holy Spirit tells me to....So supernatural personal experiences?? I've got some great ones..When I got saved, when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence in speaking in tongues, the time the Lord healed my shoulder in the middle of a Sunday service, the first time I heard the audible voice of God..The list goes on and on...I love being a Christ follower , it's the most exciting time of my life..There's ups and downs, twists and turns and ins and outs...AMAZING!!! My salvation experience is my all time favorite, but I've told that so many ways and so many times that its becoming redundant..Boring?? No..Redundant?? Yes..So what can I share with you that is even a pale comparison to that?? Good question..Well, let me know what you think about this one??..Not long after I got saved I began to feel this intense feeling of despair and a depression that I was not familiar with..As a matter of fact I'm not sure I really knew what depression was until I got saved..I had small battles with it in my young adulthood but, nothing major..I had not been married for very long..I'm really not sure where it came from, one day I was fine the next day I was miserable..I remember I had so many thoughts coming in out of my mind, confusion, sadness, regret, shame, etc..etc..It was crazy I didn't feel like myself, I was crying all the time.. I became short tempered with my husband Pablo and my children..I began isolating myself, I was quickly crashing and burning...I remember it was one of those days that nothing seemed right, you know when you wish you never woke up that morning??..I just put my baby boy down for his nap, I layed down on the couch with my face toward the back..I began to weep uncontrollably, with my face pressed against the cushion, tears had soaked the material..I was crying out to the Lord begging Him to meet with me, I needed Him to sit with me..I felt so lonely, so overwhelmed!!..Have you ever been in that place between awake and asleep?? Where your senses are still keen??That place where your too tired to cry another tear??That's where I was too tired to cry, my eyes swollen..I spoke softly, "JESUS, CAN YOU COME AND SIT HERE WITH ME?" I think I said that about 5 times..Then,"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."..I had closed my eyes and felt a slight warm breeze as it blew softly threw my living room, it was so soothing I nestled into the couch a little closer , now facing away from the tear soaked fabric...I soon after felt a soft brushing of a hand across my hair...Then down my right cheek..I felt it physically on my face but more powerful than that, I felt it go through my soul...I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Jesus brushed his hand across my head and wiped the tears from my eyes..I know this because I felt it...You know Saints, its times like that when you come into an intimate union with God The Father..I will never forget it!! I called His name and there He was..Right when I needed Him the most...But, that's not the greatest of supernatural experiences..Nope!!The greatest one?? Is that He does it EVERY time I say His name....Now that's Super!!!

Busy, Burdened....Beautiful

A time in the desert...Well, I am sure glad it didnt last 40 years, however 1 day in the desert seems like 40 years...Wilderness, desert, its all the same..Its dry, its desolate, lonely etc..You know what I mean...My desert experiences have been few but have impacted me in such a way that I'm not in a hurry to go back there....I am dry and thirsty Lord send your rain, send your rain...Lord I need your touch again, send your rain, send your rain...Let it rain, Let it fall from heaven , send your rain to revive my soul, I need your rain, I need your streams of refreshing, so i will thirst no more..Those are lyrics to a song that has stuck with me for 10 years..You know those songs that you never forget, or have impacted your life/walk in a way that you don't understand..That is the one that did it for me...My desert experience that remains fresh in my mind is the time I returned to the world...After serving the Lord for 6 years and I mean "serving"..I was busy, busy. busy..Youth, dance, children's ministry any thing that needed to be done I did it..I was going constantly and enjoyed every second of it..You know the desert thing kind of just crept up on me..One day I was going, going ,going the next day ...NOTHING...A lot in my life had transpired during this time, lots of changes..It all happened when a separation occurred between myself and my ministries and my church family...Its really not important these days how it happened as much as the importance of "why" it happened...This experience (desert) was the loneliest, darkest place I had ever been..Sometimes it was cold and desolate and others the temperature got so hot I was gasping for air...My emotions got the best of me in this place, I was sad, lonely, afraid, desperate etc....In this desert I spent some time in a fiery furnace, a lions den, in a pit, a prison I had faced many giants, a serpent had even spoken to me and tried to strangle the very breath of life out of me, I ran, I hid, then I cried out for help.....JESUS!!!!HELP ME..You know what He said that day....I've been here the whole time daughter, I was just waiting for you to ask...I was waiting for you to surrender to me , admit you couldn't do it on your own..I was waiting for you to call out my name...That day in the desert I finally had sensed a glimmer of hope..He told me to walk with Him for He had much to tell me in regards to this place I had been residing in for some time..After a long walk I told the Lord I was weary and didn't think I could continue this journey through this desert..At that moment he told me that we were on our way to the potters house, that it was just a little further along the narrow road we were on, I looked up at Him...I said I am to tired Lord this burden is to much, I cant take another step, I am dry and thirsty..At that moment He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way, I fell asleep as I counted His footprints in the sand..When I had finally came to, we were at the Potters house as he promised we would be..As I looked around I saw so many masterpieces some shiny , some cracked and some on the potters wheel..I asked Jesus my guide why are we here?? Am I going to return to the desert??..His reply was," No daughter, here is where I am going to teach you how to be fit for the masters use......."..You walked through the desert, you called on my name and now here we stand...Here is where You will sit,you will be molded and transformed into a vessel fit for "my" use...

A Whisper in the Darkness

I will start by simply writing...I love my Lord Jesus, more than I can express in words....This has nothing to do with the topic at hand, I just felt led to write it...Now, I'm gonna scream it..Not a real good idea at 1:10 in the morning..My husband (Pablo) is use to my random out bursts when it comes to Jesus.. O.k. onto topic - "disobedience"..A time I was disobedient? And how did the Lord deal with it? When I think of a time of my disobedience all I can really think of is a time almost 5 years ago when I had turned my back on the Lord due to conflict, confusion, lies and offense...For those who know me, they know I do everything in excellence..So, when I'm disobedient I do it ALL THE WAY!!..This was a time in my life when everything that once had made sense and mattered , no longer mattered..As I mentioned my disobedience was the 100% turning away from God, I turned my back on the cross and the love of my Savior...It's really crazy how the whole thing started...I imagine it had all been transpiring for some time, I just did not know about it..Any way it happened, I walked away from everything I had known and everything I had come to believe as truth...As a matter of fact I didn't walk away, I drove about 900 miles away into the city of Charlotte NC...Yes, I did ..My husband and I sold everything we owned and moved our family away from all the pain and heartache of our soon to be past...What kills me is how much deception we were walking in, hidden of course by the stronghold of bitterness and unforgiveness..We all know what those two things do to us..They blind us from the truth and hold us in bondage to our emotions...DANGEROUS!! We left Cape Cod Ma with the hopes of starting over and leaving it all behind...What we soon came to realize is that we left Jesus behind..Saints, my disobedience came when I refused to listen to the instruction of the word, when it came to the dealings of integrity, character and unresolved issues..Oh come on now...You should know by now that I am not ashamed of my past or short comings...I left my home in Ma because I was running away from my problems, masking it with it being God's release or timing....NOT!!! The sad thing about all of this is that I had become so disobedient and felt so seperated from God..That I no longer cared about anything..Really... I cared about nothing..I entered back into my life of parties and night clubs..Jesus and my salvation was a thing of the past, a distant memory, that I intentionally kept locked up in the depths of my despair..Uhhgg, I hated that...How did Christ deal with this??How did He deal with me??Well that's easy..He did it in love, unconditional love, with mercy and grace..I felt Him tugging at my heart, He sent people to speak into my life..He got my attention in the still of the night...Jesus, my Father reminded me of my promise..Just about 3 years ago, I rededicated my life to Christ and began a deep healing process, seeking for the root of my disobedience searching for answers about what made me stumble..I began looking deep inside myself....The more I looked (and listened) I heard a familiar still, small voice calling my name..He was telling me to trust Him..He told me to lay my burdens down..I did just that..I called out to Him , He answered, Jesus heard my cry that day in a small brick church in Monroe, NC..In my disobedience Jesus waited for me..He waited for me to once again choose Him over all my sorrow...Jesus, choose me, healed me and restored me, my family and my long awaited reconciliation to my church family on Cape Cod MA..JESUS DEALT WITH ME..In my disobedience, He handled me with tender, loving care...How else would He have done it??

The "Net" Matthew 4:18-19

Last Saturday night my dance ministry " On Eagles Wings" had the awesome privilege of ministering for an Apostles birthday celebration..It was an awesome time in the Lord..There was a mime team, an anointed choir and lots of men and women of God helping to usher the magnificent presence of the Lord into the house!!!!..I had the opportunity to connect with other God loving individuals...The Apostle said from the pulpit..Hey, I'm a Christian and yes, I'm on Facebook...Everyone laughed out loud and started pointing at each other...(He was full of life..)I thought to myself..How awesome it is that Christians are storming the net with ministry opportunities, prayer requests and there testimonies and journeys with the Lord...Satan does not have the upper hand!!!!!..The Body of Christ is getting real and becoming very evident via the internet..I have used the internet as a means to preach and teach the gospel, restore broken relationships, tell the struggles and triumphs of my life, and bring glory to God... I love being able to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries with people from far away...Online ministry??It just doesn't get any better than that..The Glory of God being revealed from nation to nation, city to city, by just the click of a few buttons.....

Until we meet again...

So much has changed in my life in the last 6 months....It really shouldn't be that shocking, from the first day of receiving the Lord as my Savior it has been an on going process of healing... A roller coaster ride of emotions...Ups and Downs, around sharp corners at serious speeds, you know with every movement your stomach feels sick??..I feel led by the Holy Spirit to share something with all who read this blog...The most recent change in my life began about 6 weeks ago...I now have the awesome privilege of being The Shepherd of an amazing group of people...We meet every Sunday, we have Bible Studies , dance teams...etc..etc..We share a passion for The Kingdom and Gods people...But what I want to share with you is the time we all spend together in our mid week meeting..The Lord placed the topic of "Pulling Down Strongholds" on my heart..This is something I have studied(myself) for a long time..I went through a very difficult season in my walk and was determined to find out what was the "real" problem or issues that lay deep within my soul...Deeper than my surface struggles and sin... This may be uncomfortable for some to read due to its controversial subject...However, I am who I am, not who I was...My past doesn't matter any more any way....Behold all things are new...Like I said earlier my journey with Jesus has been one of discovery, repentance, truth suffering ,freedom and blessings...(up, down, up, down)The list could go on and on....O.K. enough stalling.......I was 15 years old(1985) and pregnant....I had a boyfriend and obviously sexually active. I told my mom and we decided to take me out of public school and enroll me into a teen mother program(awful)..There was so much confusion and chaos going on around me and inside of me..Lots of people had expressed their opinions on what they thought would be best for me and my unborn child...I was being pulled on all different directions...I was ashamed and scared...I don't remember when the decision came about that I was going to have an abortion...But, that ended up as the final answer...It was a long bus ride to the clinic that day, my mom and I left at 5 am, to get to the appointment on time to get anesthesia..I walked up the sidewalk and saw people holding signs with disgusting photographs, they were yelling at me and told me I was murdering my baby..My mind was racing, a baby??....I didn't know....They brought me in the room took an ultrasound(they would not let me see)..Put an I.V. in my arm ,as tears rolled down my face I fell asleep...I woke up in a cold recovery room with several other women, except I was the only one screaming....I was yelling where is he, my baby where?? Tell me what it was..It was a boy right..It was a boy!!!They scolded me, telling me to be quiet..They gave me a pill and moved me into a private area....The rest I have no memory of...Next, I remember I was back on the bus on my way home....Throughout my christian journey, I have often revisited this instance and have forgiven every one involved including myself...(so I thought)...Well, Wednesday night I was at my mid week meeting discussing all I had learned in the area of strongholds and Christian freedom from past sin and spiritual bondage..We had an awesome night of confessions, healing and freedoms..I went home, read the Word and fell asleep(as usual)..I had a dream that night (disturbing), I wasn't going to mention it to anyone because it was so strange, but the visions wouldn't go away...I finally told a friend who is gifted in the area of dream symbolism and interpretation, she explained and clarified the message....The dream was a message to me regarding the condition of my heart, I was still harboring the emotions of inadequacy, pain and grief...My dream had a beautiful baby boy in it....My friend thought it represented my"first born son".....The rest of the dream had so much symbolism in reference to the adequacy issue, my past, my purpose, my church....on and on..My first born son??This connection was not where all of these above issues "stemmed" from....We both began to pray and the Lord brought me back to the recovery room of the clinic....MY SHAME!!!..I murdered my baby...I thought I was healed from this a long time ago..Why am I crying??Last night I revisited this place in the spirit and realized I had not forgiven myself completely...Last night I remembered that at 15 years old I had chosen a name for my unborn child and I was convinced that this child was a boy...I GAVE THIS UNBORN CHILD HIS NAME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY SAVIOR...His name is Nicholas Michael...In the spirit my Jesus, let me look into the eyes of this child, hold him in my arms , kiss his face and tell him I was sorry...The Lord stretched out His arms, looking at me with eyes of compassion, I placed Nicholas into His arms and watched Jesus take this child into heaven...Where he will be waiting for me...Today I have reflected on the face of this child and on the face of my King..Today, I have forgiven myself...Thank you my redeemer, my savior and my friend....

Looking For Love?

I had read so many books on Christian marriage, each author with their own opinions on intimacy between the husband, wife and The Lord....My ninth year wedding anniversary is on February 17th....That will be my second ninth year anniversary...Let me explain....My husband and I were married twice..When we got saved we were living together...Your probably thinking yeah so, that happens all the time...Well, not only were we living together I was still married to a man that was serving several years in prison...Now, don't get judgmental on me, let me finish....My first husband who I married at 22 years of age was accused and arrested for statutory rape 5 months after my daughter was born...He was the love of my life( I thought)..After his incarceration I became very bitter and began to live a lifestyle that was engulfed in sin and addiction...I felt so betrayed , I was humiliated..You see my ex- husband was a business owner and a role model in our community..The families in our community trusted us as people, business owners and with their children...The reason I am telling you all of this is because I want you to see the big picture...And because I am not ashamed of my life before Christ...My life before Jesus is gone...Behold all things have become new!!!..O.k back to my story..When my husband and I met ...I had 2 children with my ex- husband, met a great guy in between him and my husband today..We had a son(who is amazing)..But, I was so unhealthy I screwed that up...So, as you can see my track record wasn't that good...So, I meet Pablo (my hubby)..It is obvious to you by now, that love was something I did not know and intimacy was not a word I rarely heard of, never mind understand it...Love had been replaced by lust and intimacy just did not exist in my world.....Pablo told me shortly after meeting me that he was going to marry me...Remember, I was still married...Any way, months after meeting we moved in together, Pablo is an amazing guy, he took on the responsibility of 3 children that were not his own..He helped pay the bills and babysat my kids while I attended school at night...I began to love him(the best way I knew how)..We talked about marriage often but, I honestly never saw it in our future..Well, on mothers day 10 years ago, he popped the question , it was beautiful...We got saved soon after that..After our salvation we began to read the Bible and attend church regularly..As we grew in our faith being engaged and married to another man became an evident issue..(even if he had been locked up for a few years)......My love for God was growing, my love for Pablo was changing..I wanted to marry Pablo, I wanted to be his wife more than I had ever wanted anything else!! We had sought council from our Pastor regarding the issue of adultery and living together, the man of God directed us to scripture, instructed us to pray and ask for direction..We did just that...My point of all of this is this....Pablo and I were establishing an intimacy with Jesus, we were seeking His face, wanting to know him deeper..When we drew nearer to Him we began to change..We realized our lives did not line up with His word.. we decided to make a covenant with each other and God to refrain from sexual immorality until my divorce was final and we were married...I can say to all of you today that was a very difficult promise to keep, but we did it!!!!..I was so sick of repeating the same old mistakes, I was tired of broken relationships, breaking the hearts of my children and feeling hopeless....My love for Jesus had superseded any relationship I had ever known, I loved Him so much that I didn't want to disappoint Him..And I loved Pablo so much that I didn't want to lose him or push him away..I wanted God to bless my marriage and teach me how to love Pablo completely, I also wanted to be loved....On Nov.17th 2000 I was divorced at 1:00 pm and married to my beautiful husband by 1:15pm..In the same office we received The Lord as our Savior , I came into an intimate union with God my Fatherr and Pablo my husband....We remained faithful to our covenant and 9 years later, we are happy, raising kids, we have a grand daughter, own a business and serving in ministry together....Intimacy with Jesus taught me how to love Pablo, I even learned to love myself, I have received forgiveness from those whom I have wounded, and I have forgiven my ex husband ..You see saints, when you come into a place of intimacy with Jesus he teaches you all you are "willing" to learn..

From Victim to Victor

Victory has not been defined by what I have experienced in my own walk but, even more amazing than mine, I have been privileged enough to see the transforming power of Jesus take men and women from victim to victorious....It never ceases to amaze me , the awesomeness of God !!!



''One" of my ministries is a dance team..It is called On Eagles Wings...Isaiah 40:31...I have been ministering through dance off and on now for almost 10 years..It has been a ministry that has never lost its power, there is something unfathomable that happens when you enter the throne room by way of intimate worship...One word!!! V.I.C.T.O.R.Y...I have seen deliverance from depression and anxiety..I have seen many victories in the area of forgiveness and miraculous restorations of relationships take place.



I have also experienced many victories in my walk with the Lord..I have often made reference to my salvation experience because of it being the first time in my life I had ever felt triumphant, I had a glimpse at hope...At that moment in my life I had understood (finally) freedom..That freedom has sent me on a journey of one victory after another, I never look at one being greater or bigger than another..There all stepping stones after all our greatest victory will be when we are standing face to face with our beautiful Savior..I am excited that my mess has become my message...I have not a single regret, my past and its ugliness has shaped me into the sold out, radical Jesus lover that I am today...That is a victory I wouldn't change for any thing this world has to offer me...I love Jesus!!!!

Divine Revelation...Outside of the BOX

Remember as a child getting a book and thinking it was a really dumb gift. Only until you realized it was a “pop up” book?! As a little girl I would think those were the greatest gifts to receive. You would open the cover AND THERE IT WAS the whole story in 3D….The town, the street signs, the whole story larger than life! The greatest one I had ever received came in a fancy box that clasped together with a long ribbon that could be tied into a fancy bow….Oh yeah, this book even had the little tabs that you pulled and it would open cardboard windows and doors and pots that were without flowers suddenly had them…Cool, cool, cool!!!...A whole different world in a box……..

As an adult I still walk directly toward the “pop up’ book section in the book store they have made great gifts for both of my daughters, and now my grand daughter…I even bought my 11 year old son one this Christmas that contained pirate ships…Imagination in a box…..

Is that what ministry has come too?? Is that what we have done with God??...Believers, have we turned our relationship with Jesus into a “pop up” book in a fancy box. Leaders are we planting churches and establishing ministries on a system of programs that have been already established…Church in a box ….There was a negative about those pop up books, it took away any opportunity for creative imagination….Do you think that keeping God in a box or automatically choosing programs to build “better” ministries takes away the opportunity for Divine revelation??....Don’t hear what I’m not saying ...There are some great books and very anointed studies out there…However, the best book is The Bible and anointed teachings are on its pages.. Pop up programs, commercial Christianity, God in a box……There isn’t a box big enough to fit our God!!! There isn’t a program out there that will work without the anointing of the Holy Spirit…

Living in the South now for 4 years (native Yankee)..One thing there is not a shortage of is churches…There is at least 2 within ½ a mile radius of each other. All different denominations, some structures are free standing, some are store fronts, one is a refurbished bank (drive thru window still intact)…At Christmas they all have Christmas cantatas/pageants, there is a church barbecue almost every weekend in the spring /summer months, spaghetti dinners, etc.. etc…How much spaghetti can a non believer eat??...Do you get the “pop up” picture??...

Divine revelation people….Our times have changed and are continuing to change….Let God out of the box… We need holy spirit conviction, NOT man’s condemnation, we need His guidance, we need His wisdom…The programs aren’t working, they have lost their effectiveness….Jesus set before us a life giving message, that never loses its effectiveness…The same scripture read by different people, or even at different stages in life can open up lessons, programs and revelation that is divinely inspired….A divinely inspired “pop up” that changes from reader to reader. Now that’s cool!!!..

A Baby Changed Everything...

On December 10th 2009, I had the awesome pleasure of watching my sons daughter come into the world..As he stood next to his fiance assisting her in her contractions, he peered over to see the delivery of his daughter take place...I will never forget the look on "my" 17 year old baby's face as he laid his eyes on his baby for the first time....It was something only understood if you had experienced it yourself, my words do not give justice to the expression on his youthful, frightened face. The hardest thing for me, I would say was revisiting my experience delivering my precious baby boy...I was in awe of his young fiances courage and strength...I was overtaken by the emotions of gaining a granddaughter and watching my son before my eyes go from a boy to a man with the love of a father exhuming from his spirit...That day has left me pondering many things, I went from a mom to a grandmother I saw my son change from boy to a man, I watched a young girl transform into the very life source of another soul...The glory of God had flooded that hospital room in such force it became a tangible presence...My son who over the years has become very bitter toward the things of God declared with his mouth, "Look what God has done, how could any one deny God's existence, thank you Jesus for my daughter!!"..Well as you can imagine, as a mom, I lost it!!!.....This precious little child changed everything...My son saw the love of God through the birth of his daughter..My grand daughter Cadyn was 10 days earlier than expected, but not a minute to soon!!!!...That little baby changed everything!!!!In my quiet time I have reflected on my sons face and wept, completely overwhelmed with the unfailing love of the Father...And the love for my son...The love for this precious little girl..And the realization of the day that the baby Jesus took His first earthly breath...As God the Father watched Mary bring forth His beloved, what he must have felt watching her strain through each contraction...Mary was God's daughter, the chosen vessel in which The Messiah would grow and be brought into the world...God watched as a father of Jesus, as the father of Joseph, and as the father of Mary...He watched as His creation, created!!!! As Mary and Joseph wept and gave glory to God for His gift, I believe God also wept!!! That day, Christmas day a baby changed everything!!!!! This season, remember that every human being is a gift to God and that Jesus came into the world for the salvation of every person, that He was born to die..That the miracle of HIS birth is this... When Jesus took His first breath and let out his first cry...That was the beginning of the "gift" of your salvation!!! This season stop for just a moment and look into the faces of your gifts from God and share the story of that baby's cry..Before any packages get torn open or a single gift is unwrapped, take a moment and reflect!!! The cry of that infant child, was the same cry that came from that same child of God hanging on a cross on Calvary....Christmas: a time of celebration, vivid colors, joyful music and time spent with family and friends..The food is fabulous and the aromas of Christmas are nostalgic...Even better than all of these things wrapped up together in a beautiful package with a big fat bow is the meaning of this joyous holiday!!!!..That meaning is JESUS!!!.....MERRY CHRISTMAS SAINTS!!!! HE IS THE ONLY REASON FOR THIS SEASON!!!!!

Cry out to Jesus

Jesus.....This isn't easy…Serving you father...I know you are here. I am waiting...I need to hear from you....I can close my eyes and sense your presence...I can feel the gentleness of your touch as you comfort my weary soul. Why is this so hard? In your presence is where I am safe, you are my refuge. I am crying out to you in my times of uncertainty...This smile that I wear, its becoming heavy...How long Lord until I hear you call my name.

This road we have chosen as Christ followers is not the easy road, this is the road many start on but, soon become weary in their journey. Why?? Whose idea was it to take Jesus out of The Body of Christ? If we are not going there with an expectation to meet The King of Kings, why are we going? Well planned programs do not usher in the transforming power of Jesus Christ...Half hazard worship or a song service quenches the Holy Spirit...He is grieved by our pride and arrogance. Where has the importance of prayer gone...Why have we shunned the Spirit of the Living God? Where is repentance?

Jesus.....Jesus......What have we done? Revive the hearts of humanity!!! We need you…

Hear my cries oh God....Rain down on us...... Touch your people.....Your blood was not shed in vain...We need you....God your never failing love is manifested daily in all that you created... Rain on us...We need you...

Surrounded by so much confusion and Godlessness...This is the time for the believers in Christ Jesus to stand for something...Rise up....Shake off those grave clothes and come forth from the wreckage and praise Him...Go to The Word...READ THE RED LETTERS!!! The time is now...What if tomorrow never comes?

Choose Jesus

Do you know that you are a child of the Risen Lord...What does that mean? That you have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ...That means through the death and resurrection of Jesus, Heaven can be your home......How?? Ask Jesus to be Lord of your life, accept Him as your personal Savior.....

OR

NOT!!!!!...................Darkness has surrounded you...You are unfamiliar with this place....Hello....Is anyone there?? Your eyes are blurred....Hello...Anyone...As you focus on the ground, you notice your arms are bound with chains that have been latched to the earth beneath you…..In fear you try to move your legs...They too have been bound...You can hear your voice echo.....Struggling to get loose, the chains begin to cut into your flesh...Please someone...Help....The air is thick with a dense fog, the smell of sulfur has filled the air....In the distance, there is movement...You can only make out shadows...Trembling with fear you begin to battle the shackles that keep you bound...The struggle is causing a thick cloud of soot...gasping and choking your screams become frantic.....You grow weary and weak...Your arms collapse from exhaustion, your legs feeble from the attempt to free them...There is a frightening silence in this place...Your eyes are burning, you close them...Tears streaming down your cheeks from the poison that has filled the air...With a deep gasp......Where am I.........

A sinister voice from behind, replies....Welcome to your eternity...You are with me....Hesitantly, you try to lift your head, but the weight of this presence is heavy...too heavy to move...Please release me....Horror fills your soul...I know of this place.....Laughter begins to fill the space…The laughter of many from all directions....STOP!!!! Stop laughing at me...Please I want to go home....What has happened?? Where are my friends?? My family?? Wait...Wait.....I remember...The laughing ceases...I was in an accident....I was speeding, I thought I could drive...I only had a few drinks…The road was slick and I lost control of the wheel...Wait... Where is she????? The shadows begin to move...Growling is heard from every corner...Where is she??

Oh...Oh ..Poor child, a voice arrogantly whimpering from behind...She has gone to a place you will never see…Snickering....You didn't want to listen, she tried to tell you...You refused...All the times she invited you and your children to church…

YOUR EXCUSES WERE PATHETIC!!!

She told you about the one she served, you mocked her behind her back...I knew you were to weak to stand for something more than what the world had offered you...I enjoyed listening to you rationalize your lifestyle and lavished in the way you poisoned your body and the minds of your children…BRAVO!!!

SUDDENLY.....frantic voices from far off, a large white light appears above you....
NOOOOOO!!!!! She is mine!!!!!! A thrust surging through your body, the thrust of many volts of electricity...And again...The frantic voices are getting closer with each thrust…The light closer and brighter....The sound of a steady beeping replaces the frightening silence you had recently experienced...You hear your name...Over and over again....

Finally, we have a heart beat...She is back....Your breathing is shallow…In your spirit, you hear a voice...This voice is different from the others.....The voice whispers...It is I....Jesus you choose me?? Not all are given a second chance...
I...Jesus Christ, ...The one you mocked... the one you denied...The one who has saved your soul....I have given you a second chance.....

Do you choose me???....

Surrender...

As I stand at the alter...Your spirit is speaking to me...I can hear you, calling out to me....The music in the background becomes faint... I can hear you calling me...I raise one hand...Jesus, I am here.. Father...Father...I am here..Your Spirit envelopes me...I raise my other hand...My eyes are closed... I am drifting...drifting...Away from this place...I can see you. You know I have arrived, I see your face in the distance, your facial features are strong yet, gentle...You have the voice of a father....I love the way you smile at me.....It brings me to my knees...I cry ..Jesus....Jesus...How I desire to be with you....How is it you see and know everything, yet you still love me...

Jesus, I desire to know you...Speak to me during this time...On my knees, tears streaming down my face...I worship you....I exalt you in this place....My God I long to see you now.

In the distance I hear ...Stand up...Daughter...Stand up...A whisper that sounded like a roll of thunder.....Stand up, lift your arms and let it all go, SURRENDER..... Give to me, what burdens you...Give it to me...Let me carry you...I am removing the shackles and confusion that bounds you…I am taking all your shame and failures...I will give you victory...Through me there is freedom and liberty...When I remove your shackles...You will dance!!!!
Saints......I speak to you with an urgency from the very throne room of our Heavenly Father.....Worship Him...In spirit and in truth…Many of us walk through our Christian journey asleep...Its time to awaken...Stand....Wipe the sleep from your eyes...Worshiping God is our way of visiting with Him while we are still here on earth…Transformation can only occur by visiting with the Master in His quarters...God's children rise from your slumber....Raise your hands...Cry out to Him...He will heal you...Sometimes we feel so helpless...Not knowing what we should do...He is calling you...Stand up!! He is waiting for you....The joy of the Lord is your strength.....

My prayer for you.....Listen to the small still voice that calls to you....If you listen closely, you'll hear your name....In your times of worship, seek His face...Give to Him what He is asking....Don't look to the left or to the right...Just look up!!!!! He wants to remove your shackles...your bondage..........So, You can dance....

And We Danced...

Remember your childhood, every new day was a new adventure....The minute your eyes opened you were ready to go...New days brought new lessons, holidays brought so much excitement.. The innocence of our childhood brought such wondrous expectations and a faith that we struggle to maintain as adults. Isn't it ironic how we spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were adults and being adults we often wish we could go back to being children again??

My relationship with Jesus has been a journey into my past...My salvation experience a miracle....My Christianity, a place where I have endured many personal struggles....My Jesus began transforming me from the simplest things to those hidden things that are deep within the very depths of my soul...Those things that have been covered by years of internal suffering and shame..The day I said my prayer of salvation was the day that the shackles of my sin were broken off and I began a journey to emotional and spiritual freedom...The weight of my sin was lifted...The sky seemed brighter, I saw things from somebody elses eyes...It was Jesus!!... I was seeing everything differently...So many things we take for granted...I noticed things I had never paid attention to in the past..

On that day I accepted Jesus..He became my friend..I had someone to talk to...Someone who would never judge me...He loved me no matter what..My soul groaned with such a desire to know Him more and more...I wanted to hear his voice and feel his touch...I wanted to hear Him call my name...

I remember the day like it was yesterday..So much had gone on in a short time of my life in Christ..I had received Him...Attended church and obtained so much knowledge in a short time...It became overwhelming to me..I not only could hear Him call my name, I could see his face and feel His hand as it brushed away my tears..AND THEN....... I laid hopeless on my sofa so confused about the happenings of the last few months...My heart felt like it had been torn to pieces...So much despair and loneliness...Where had Your Spirit gone oh Lord??? How had this happened I sought after you and served you where I was needed..I spoke your words in obedience...What happened?? So many unanswered questions...I felt a creeping darkness take a hold of my sou... Help me, I demanded...I can't find you!!!! I am afraid ...I was hiding my face against the back of my sofa...sobbing...I am afraid!!!! I asked, Were you ever with me? I believed in you..now I am here alone....I began to shutter in my soul, I felt as if the room had dropped 20 degrees...The trembling that was occurring, was a fear that I did not believe existed...I knew for certain it was an evil presence....It was with me in the room, it was hovering over me, I felt familiar emotions of desperation, hopelessness, and despair...

Where did this come from?? I was wounded..I had been beat down, to where I couldn't do it another day..The lies of the enemy had ensnared me...I was drowning, I was dying a spiritual battle that years before I had found victory in...I recall crying for several hours, unable to stop...Where is my victory...Where is my Jesus?? How could something like this happen to me after all I had sacrificed...Where are all these people who I called friends? Oh thinking back... it causes such a well of emotion..This was disconnection....

I finally got the strength and rolled over on the sofa to look the enemy of my soul in the eyes...I saw nothing in the natural, yet I sensed an uneasiness change the atmosphere...I yelled JESUUUUS!!!!! I need you...Come..Come to me...I am weak...I don't feel you..Hurry..Your word says....And in an instant there He was.....Oh.. He is so beautiful..My heart sank into my stomach...Here you are....He was standing in the distance..He seemed so far away from me..The room became calm , the air had warmed...As he stepped toward me..I could see His eyes, the corners of His mouth were turned up slightly...He didn't say a word but his eyes pierced through me...I froze on the couch that day, in utter awe of his presence...He was clothed in the finest of linen...I smiled back softly, in fear that if I had moved suddenly He would be gone...I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks...He approached me...I could see the expression lines on His forehead, I thought my King.. Are those lines from the sorrow you have for your people..I reached out my hand....Will you hold my hand??....He nodded slightly and said ...May I have this dance?? He grabbed me and embraced me in a way that I cannot explain...I felt a surge of energy fill me, every cell in my body lept...I felt as if we had become one soul...There was no seperation between He and I....We danced...He looked at me and said...You are never alone Michelle....Next time my daughter don't wait so long to call my name...I was waiting anxiosly to dance with you.... I gasped and..He was gone.....

Thank You!!!

When all the lights are finally off and the hustle of the day has ended....I have come to call on you....Jesus, Are you there? Can you hear me? I have had a long day and I have missed you...Jesus....How I long for this time with you....This morning when I was struggling with myself, you sent my friend to me...I know you know this but, we had lunch today...Thank- you...That was perfect timing...Jesus, I love that you know my inner struggles...I love that you know when I am feeling lonesome....Can you come here right now, I need you to hold me?

Jesus, my son told me he loved me and missed me today!!! Thank -you for my son,... the smile you gave him...It makes me melt when I see it. You gave him the most beautiful singing voice...I am anticipating the day when he returns his heart to you..I know he will sing for you, and preach your word..I remember you told me he is destined for greatness..... You are right, he is........Jesus.....I can feel you...I sure have missed you today......My legs have been hurting me alot lately ...Please touch them and restore them back to health, I have to dance for you...Lord..My daughter...She is amazing, so smart...The personality you chose for her...Perfect!!! I am so thankful for the strength that you gave me during that terrible time of my life..You protected us....Oh Jesus...and I know you know..She is a handful, but she makes me laugh, and she is so beautiful...When I look at her I can see how careful you were when you knit my little dolly together.

Tonight during dance practice...I got lost in the song for a minute because I heard you say that you were with me....I love you, did I tell you that yet?? I was thinking about this time I would have with you tonight..I do long for you..Jesus...Why do you love me so? You have given me freedom..Thank you...You gave me another son...Such joy he brings me.....I love the sound of his voice..Its raspy isnt it??...He loves you so much....Oh Lord and my youngest daughter...What a riot...Her eyes what a pretty color green, you picked that out especially for her..Lord....Am I in your will? I only want to do what you have ordained for my life.....Are you still here?...You haven't left have you? Can you come closer I'm getting cold....My husband ...Wow you hand picked him just for me..I know this because the way he loves me..there's nothing quite like it..He is an original..What I love the most about him ...You gave him patience, you sent him to me just in the knick of time....You called him and I at the same time..What an awesome blessing to receive you as our savior together....Jesus...All the friends you sent me..You have brought so many people into my life and you keep adding to the numbers...Thank you...Jesus.....you gave me a best friend...I never thought I would understand the true meaning of friendship...I can be myself and its ..when I am sad, shes always there...And she laughs at all my jokes...Thank you for her life...You gave her so many gifts.... You used her mightily in nursing me back to health after a terrible experience in my life......Bless her...

Jesus...I love you..And will miss you...Can you sit with me and hold my hand, until I fall asleep? Promise you won't leave???.... Daughter...I have already promised I wouldn't leave you ...Now rest...How I love you....Sleep..My weary child...I am with you always

Crowns For the King...

A little girl standing in front of a full length mirror, there's a large wooden chest at her feet ...This is not an ordinary chest, It has the most gorgeous princess gowns a five year old could ever see, The plastic high heels, shiny plastic tiaras and the most brilliant feather boas. She stands in the mirror with the most royal posture...Pink is her favorite color, its the dress with the shiny butterfly broach..Putting this gown on becomes quite a task, the length of the arms are a bit to long, and that stunning plastic emerald ring gets stuck in the lining every time....From the next room, she hears her name being called......She runs to the doorway and replies...Mommy, I'm getting ready for the king....She rushes back to the mirror, fixes her hair and places the most exquisite plastic tiara she can find on the top of her head....She looks in disgust....This crown is broken and is too big!!!...Her name is called again.....She walks hastily back to the doorway....Mommy, I'm not ready yet...You must come now, we must go.....

A teenage girl standing in front of a full length mirror...A prom gown resting at the foot of the bed...This isn't any ordinary gown, this gown took months to pick out, it's perfect...She stands in front of the mirror with the most royal posture...Putting on this gown was quite a task , It was a beautiful white gown, the type of gown only a princess would wear.....From the next room she hears her name....She runs, to the doorway and replies.... I am almost ready, I am fixing my tiara..It's a little big.... She rushes to the mirror and places the tiara on her head and says...Wow, I feel like I'm getting ready for a king...Her name is called again....She was startled and moves quickly away from the mirror. The tiara loosens from the pins that it was fastened with and smashes to the ground...... Tears well up in her eyes.... Her name is called again...You must come now, we must go...

A women is standing in front of a full length mirror. There's a large wooden chest at her feet...This is not an ordinary chest, It has all of her fondest childhood memories in it....The most gorgeous princess gowns a five year old had ever seen, plastic high heels, broken tiaras, tattered boas, a beautiful white prom gown, Photographs ,and a jewelry box with a dancing ballerina. She stands in front of the mirror.......She looks away quickly, she can,t bear to see the bruises on her face...She can't bear to see the pain in eyes that no longer resemble her own. From the next room, she hears her name being called...She runs to the doorway fearfully and locks it. She rushes over to the wooden chest and pushes it hastily in front of the door and yells back ...I'm not ready yet.....Anxiously pacing the room...back and forth...She reluctantly walks to the bed side table, opens the draw revealing a bottle of prescription sleeping pills.....She looks back at the chest from her childhood, sadly she manages through her tears to sit in front of the chest...She begins to remove her memories, one at a time underneath the photos, through bruised eyes she sees the smashed tiara...Her name is yelled again...You must come now, we must go

I am not coming she whispers standing in front of the mirror..... I know her .... she looks familiar...She places the tiara on her head and thinks....What would someone like me have to offer a king?? Her vision begins to become impaired, the reflection in the mirror is becoming blurry....Stumbling she makes her way to her bed, looks to the floor and sees the open bottle, The open bottle was empty....Her eyes become too heavy to keep open, her limbs become weak , Shallow breathing.............She hears her name......She gasps, I'm not ready......

An unfamiliar voice calls to her......Who is this??? My Princess why have you done such a thing? You are correct, you are not ready, You must go.....

Return and get dressed you haven't met the King yet...Wait she says desperately...What do I have to offer a King? The voice got closer, a light from a space that was so vast, it appeared to have no origin...Warmth over her face, a gentle kiss on her cheek, the aroma of a spices filled her nostrils... You must go and prepare for your King, but , before you go I have something for you....She saw an outstretched hand...She reached back ...He said, Take this crown...It is not broken and its your size, You are a princess with much to offer a kIng...When you return to this place again, it will be your time...and you my sweet, will lay many crowns at your kings feet.......

My Love Story

How beautiful He is..I believe this is the beginning of something brand new...His look was different, not one I had seen before, I would know I spent most of my time staring at him when he wasn't looking. What is the difference between lust and love??? When I heard him speak my soul shuttered...He said the difference is you...You've changed. I said we have changed!!! He whispered, look into my eyes...I couldn't, I didn't want him to see the shame I was hiding beneath them...This is my love story...I met my husband in a desolate place, a place of darkness and despair. What a mess I had made with my life, given to me as a gift. I wanted love but, didn't know where to look or how to find it. I saw something in him, even in his own darkness there was something...Then...I heard you call my name, in a whisper you said Michelle come to me....., trust me with your life.... I have always been right here daughter...I ran as fast as I could with arms open wide, you hugged me and caressed my cheek and I knew, that something in him was you...........