Thursday, October 10, 2013

I Only Desire You...

May, 2013

What does it mean to allow your anointing to be prostituted or even worse yourself to be prostituted? 

Why is it so easy to give away the jewels the Lord has placed on the inside of me to undeserving people?

I guess the ultimate question is whats wrong with me? 

Different views...different values...

Is it considered a sacrifice to do whatever needs to be done for the peace and happiness of others, if it in turn sends your own soul to hell?  

Do you wait until the peace and happiness of those you love is satisfied,than run far away from the lies?  

If you have run the race this long why not keep running?  

But at the expense of others as well as my own sanity? 

Lord, you have heard my plea for provision, a security in my natural.  You have heard my deepest desires, the longing of my heart, my aspirations.  My passion for you has not died, my love for you has not faded.  My endless pleas for vindication have not subsided.  Yet I am torn by the echoing laughter of happiness and the taunting laughter of ravenous demons, who feed and devour me with thoughts of guilt and shame.  Not the shame of guilt past and forgotten but that of the sin I still reside in..  The state of untruth, the lifestyle of lies..But Lord, it is blanketed by the smells of a kitchen and the rhythm of younger feet across a hard wood floor.  The pain is masked by the smiles of faces looking back at me with sighs of relief and painted images of family.  Yet, in all of this my soul longs for deeper things, pure things, things of spiritual substance..Freedoms from self and corrupt ways.. In this I only desire you...