Cry out to Jesus

Jesus.....This isn't easy…Serving you father...I know you are here. I am waiting...I need to hear from you....I can close my eyes and sense your presence...I can feel the gentleness of your touch as you comfort my weary soul. Why is this so hard? In your presence is where I am safe, you are my refuge. I am crying out to you in my times of uncertainty...This smile that I wear, its becoming heavy...How long Lord until I hear you call my name.

This road we have chosen as Christ followers is not the easy road, this is the road many start on but, soon become weary in their journey. Why?? Whose idea was it to take Jesus out of The Body of Christ? If we are not going there with an expectation to meet The King of Kings, why are we going? Well planned programs do not usher in the transforming power of Jesus Christ...Half hazard worship or a song service quenches the Holy Spirit...He is grieved by our pride and arrogance. Where has the importance of prayer gone...Why have we shunned the Spirit of the Living God? Where is repentance?

Jesus.....Jesus......What have we done? Revive the hearts of humanity!!! We need you…

Hear my cries oh God....Rain down on us...... Touch your people.....Your blood was not shed in vain...We need you....God your never failing love is manifested daily in all that you created... Rain on us...We need you...

Surrounded by so much confusion and Godlessness...This is the time for the believers in Christ Jesus to stand for something...Rise up....Shake off those grave clothes and come forth from the wreckage and praise Him...Go to The Word...READ THE RED LETTERS!!! The time is now...What if tomorrow never comes?

And We Danced...

Remember your childhood, every new day was a new adventure....The minute your eyes opened you were ready to go...New days brought new lessons, holidays brought so much excitement.. The innocence of our childhood brought such wondrous expectations and a faith that we struggle to maintain as adults. Isn't it ironic how we spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were adults and being adults we often wish we could go back to being children again??

My relationship with Jesus has been a journey into my past...My salvation experience a miracle....My Christianity, a place where I have endured many personal struggles....My Jesus began transforming me from the simplest things to those hidden things that are deep within the very depths of my soul...Those things that have been covered by years of internal suffering and shame..The day I said my prayer of salvation was the day that the shackles of my sin were broken off and I began a journey to emotional and spiritual freedom...The weight of my sin was lifted...The sky seemed brighter, I saw things from somebody elses eyes...It was Jesus!!... I was seeing everything differently...So many things we take for granted...I noticed things I had never paid attention to in the past..

On that day I accepted Jesus..He became my friend..I had someone to talk to...Someone who would never judge me...He loved me no matter what..My soul groaned with such a desire to know Him more and more...I wanted to hear his voice and feel his touch...I wanted to hear Him call my name...

I remember the day like it was yesterday..So much had gone on in a short time of my life in Christ..I had received Him...Attended church and obtained so much knowledge in a short time...It became overwhelming to me..I not only could hear Him call my name, I could see his face and feel His hand as it brushed away my tears..AND THEN....... I laid hopeless on my sofa so confused about the happenings of the last few months...My heart felt like it had been torn to pieces...So much despair and loneliness...Where had Your Spirit gone oh Lord??? How had this happened I sought after you and served you where I was needed..I spoke your words in obedience...What happened?? So many unanswered questions...I felt a creeping darkness take a hold of my sou... Help me, I demanded...I can't find you!!!! I am afraid ...I was hiding my face against the back of my sofa...sobbing...I am afraid!!!! I asked, Were you ever with me? I believed in you..now I am here alone....I began to shutter in my soul, I felt as if the room had dropped 20 degrees...The trembling that was occurring, was a fear that I did not believe existed...I knew for certain it was an evil presence....It was with me in the room, it was hovering over me, I felt familiar emotions of desperation, hopelessness, and despair...

Where did this come from?? I was wounded..I had been beat down, to where I couldn't do it another day..The lies of the enemy had ensnared me...I was drowning, I was dying a spiritual battle that years before I had found victory in...I recall crying for several hours, unable to stop...Where is my victory...Where is my Jesus?? How could something like this happen to me after all I had sacrificed...Where are all these people who I called friends? Oh thinking back... it causes such a well of emotion..This was disconnection....

I finally got the strength and rolled over on the sofa to look the enemy of my soul in the eyes...I saw nothing in the natural, yet I sensed an uneasiness change the atmosphere...I yelled JESUUUUS!!!!! I need you...Come..Come to me...I am weak...I don't feel you..Hurry..Your word says....And in an instant there He was.....Oh.. He is so beautiful..My heart sank into my stomach...Here you are....He was standing in the distance..He seemed so far away from me..The room became calm , the air had warmed...As he stepped toward me..I could see His eyes, the corners of His mouth were turned up slightly...He didn't say a word but his eyes pierced through me...I froze on the couch that day, in utter awe of his presence...He was clothed in the finest of linen...I smiled back softly, in fear that if I had moved suddenly He would be gone...I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks...He approached me...I could see the expression lines on His forehead, I thought my King.. Are those lines from the sorrow you have for your people..I reached out my hand....Will you hold my hand??....He nodded slightly and said ...May I have this dance?? He grabbed me and embraced me in a way that I cannot explain...I felt a surge of energy fill me, every cell in my body lept...I felt as if we had become one soul...There was no seperation between He and I....We danced...He looked at me and said...You are never alone Michelle....Next time my daughter don't wait so long to call my name...I was waiting anxiosly to dance with you.... I gasped and..He was gone.....

Thank You!!!

When all the lights are finally off and the hustle of the day has ended....I have come to call on you....Jesus, Are you there? Can you hear me? I have had a long day and I have missed you...Jesus....How I long for this time with you....This morning when I was struggling with myself, you sent my friend to me...I know you know this but, we had lunch today...Thank- you...That was perfect timing...Jesus, I love that you know my inner struggles...I love that you know when I am feeling lonesome....Can you come here right now, I need you to hold me?

Jesus, my son told me he loved me and missed me today!!! Thank -you for my son,... the smile you gave him...It makes me melt when I see it. You gave him the most beautiful singing voice...I am anticipating the day when he returns his heart to you..I know he will sing for you, and preach your word..I remember you told me he is destined for greatness..... You are right, he is........Jesus.....I can feel you...I sure have missed you today......My legs have been hurting me alot lately ...Please touch them and restore them back to health, I have to dance for you...Lord..My daughter...She is amazing, so smart...The personality you chose for her...Perfect!!! I am so thankful for the strength that you gave me during that terrible time of my life..You protected us....Oh Jesus...and I know you know..She is a handful, but she makes me laugh, and she is so beautiful...When I look at her I can see how careful you were when you knit my little dolly together.

Tonight during dance practice...I got lost in the song for a minute because I heard you say that you were with me....I love you, did I tell you that yet?? I was thinking about this time I would have with you tonight..I do long for you..Jesus...Why do you love me so? You have given me freedom..Thank you...You gave me another son...Such joy he brings me.....I love the sound of his voice..Its raspy isnt it??...He loves you so much....Oh Lord and my youngest daughter...What a riot...Her eyes what a pretty color green, you picked that out especially for her..Lord....Am I in your will? I only want to do what you have ordained for my life.....Are you still here?...You haven't left have you? Can you come closer I'm getting cold....My husband ...Wow you hand picked him just for me..I know this because the way he loves me..there's nothing quite like it..He is an original..What I love the most about him ...You gave him patience, you sent him to me just in the knick of time....You called him and I at the same time..What an awesome blessing to receive you as our savior together....Jesus...All the friends you sent me..You have brought so many people into my life and you keep adding to the numbers...Thank you...Jesus.....you gave me a best friend...I never thought I would understand the true meaning of friendship...I can be myself and its ..when I am sad, shes always there...And she laughs at all my jokes...Thank you for her life...You gave her so many gifts.... You used her mightily in nursing me back to health after a terrible experience in my life......Bless her...

Jesus...I love you..And will miss you...Can you sit with me and hold my hand, until I fall asleep? Promise you won't leave???.... Daughter...I have already promised I wouldn't leave you ...Now rest...How I love you....Sleep..My weary child...I am with you always

Crowns For the King...

A little girl standing in front of a full length mirror, there's a large wooden chest at her feet ...This is not an ordinary chest, It has the most gorgeous princess gowns a five year old could ever see, The plastic high heels, shiny plastic tiaras and the most brilliant feather boas. She stands in the mirror with the most royal posture...Pink is her favorite color, its the dress with the shiny butterfly broach..Putting this gown on becomes quite a task, the length of the arms are a bit to long, and that stunning plastic emerald ring gets stuck in the lining every time....From the next room, she hears her name being called......She runs to the doorway and replies...Mommy, I'm getting ready for the king....She rushes back to the mirror, fixes her hair and places the most exquisite plastic tiara she can find on the top of her head....She looks in disgust....This crown is broken and is too big!!!...Her name is called again.....She walks hastily back to the doorway....Mommy, I'm not ready yet...You must come now, we must go.....

A teenage girl standing in front of a full length mirror...A prom gown resting at the foot of the bed...This isn't any ordinary gown, this gown took months to pick out, it's perfect...She stands in front of the mirror with the most royal posture...Putting on this gown was quite a task , It was a beautiful white gown, the type of gown only a princess would wear.....From the next room she hears her name....She runs, to the doorway and replies.... I am almost ready, I am fixing my tiara..It's a little big.... She rushes to the mirror and places the tiara on her head and says...Wow, I feel like I'm getting ready for a king...Her name is called again....She was startled and moves quickly away from the mirror. The tiara loosens from the pins that it was fastened with and smashes to the ground...... Tears well up in her eyes.... Her name is called again...You must come now, we must go...

A women is standing in front of a full length mirror. There's a large wooden chest at her feet...This is not an ordinary chest, It has all of her fondest childhood memories in it....The most gorgeous princess gowns a five year old had ever seen, plastic high heels, broken tiaras, tattered boas, a beautiful white prom gown, Photographs ,and a jewelry box with a dancing ballerina. She stands in front of the mirror.......She looks away quickly, she can,t bear to see the bruises on her face...She can't bear to see the pain in eyes that no longer resemble her own. From the next room, she hears her name being called...She runs to the doorway fearfully and locks it. She rushes over to the wooden chest and pushes it hastily in front of the door and yells back ...I'm not ready yet.....Anxiously pacing the room...back and forth...She reluctantly walks to the bed side table, opens the draw revealing a bottle of prescription sleeping pills.....She looks back at the chest from her childhood, sadly she manages through her tears to sit in front of the chest...She begins to remove her memories, one at a time underneath the photos, through bruised eyes she sees the smashed tiara...Her name is yelled again...You must come now, we must go

I am not coming she whispers standing in front of the mirror..... I know her .... she looks familiar...She places the tiara on her head and thinks....What would someone like me have to offer a king?? Her vision begins to become impaired, the reflection in the mirror is becoming blurry....Stumbling she makes her way to her bed, looks to the floor and sees the open bottle, The open bottle was empty....Her eyes become too heavy to keep open, her limbs become weak , Shallow breathing.............She hears her name......She gasps, I'm not ready......

An unfamiliar voice calls to her......Who is this??? My Princess why have you done such a thing? You are correct, you are not ready, You must go.....

Return and get dressed you haven't met the King yet...Wait she says desperately...What do I have to offer a King? The voice got closer, a light from a space that was so vast, it appeared to have no origin...Warmth over her face, a gentle kiss on her cheek, the aroma of a spices filled her nostrils... You must go and prepare for your King, but , before you go I have something for you....She saw an outstretched hand...She reached back ...He said, Take this crown...It is not broken and its your size, You are a princess with much to offer a kIng...When you return to this place again, it will be your time...and you my sweet, will lay many crowns at your kings feet.......

Are you listening?...

Have you ever sat in a dark room in silence? Not a sound,....Just you, sitting with you? Just listen...Do you hear the spirit of the Lord calling for you? It will start as an emotion, a sensation in the pit of your stomach. The tears begin to well up in your eyes, did you know they are the windows to your soul? His voice, a sweet melody..He says, "That you are fearfully and wonderfully made." That your mistakes have been erased and your heart restored. Your breathing becomes shallow, your afraid that if you move even the slightest the peace of His presence will dissipate. The sweetest sound I have ever heard was the sound of my name from the very lips of my Jesus...I respond softly Jesus, It's me...I am here. I saw His face, eyes filled with compassion and pain, tears, welling up in the eyes of my Savior. Jesus, why are your fists clenched? Are you angry with me? My child I am not angry, I love you my precious one...My fists are clenched in desperation for the souls of those who know me not. Remember the crown of thorns on my head? I am still being mocked as I was then...why, my child? The room filled with the aroma of a fragrance unfamiliar to me but alluring. Again afraid to move even the slightest in fear that my Lord would leave me ...My daughter Reflect me ...as a mirror shows your reflection...They will know me, by the way that you love...

Lord.....Are you leaving??? Not yet, I'm still listening, don't go!!! When will you meet with me again? Michelle, He whispered, "As I have called upon you, you can call on me...In a whisper, in despair , in loneliness...I'll be there....Sit and Wait, just a minute and I'll be there...In my next breath.....I saw his face look up from a bowed stance...He smiled slightly, blew me a kiss....and disappeared...Until the next time my Jesus!!!

The Storm...

In the still of the night, I can hear you...I hear you Lord, in the sound of the wind as it blows through the trees.......In the sound of the ocean as the waves hit the shore..... In the laughter of my children as they play in the sun........I now can also see.... Things in a wider spectrum, especially the sky. It reminds me of myself some days its bright and warm and other days its lonely and grey....Then the days when storms begin to set in and so quickly send the atmosphere into utter chaos...still I see you...Jesus, the winds they come in from every direction, lightning from a source unknown and the loud claps of thunder!!! And now, the rain, it just keeps falling and falling.....Will it ever stop?.......Are you here, in the storm ? Wait, I can still hear you and still see you....You've come to rescue me, even in this storm!!!!

So many storms have come and gone, some more severe than others. Every storm has brought me to a higher level of understanding of who I am suppose to be. Without Jesus my storms were so lonely, always wondering ....Am I going to get through this one? His hand has reached down and lifted me out of my places of desperation and a hopelessness I can not revisit. Will there always be storms you ask? Yes always...And there will always be a hand to lift you out of the wreckage, The same hand that was nailed to the cross, the same hand that will deliver you from the hand of the enemy.That hand is the hand of Jesus.....Call out in your storm...Jesus It's Me..........

It's Me Again...

In the Beginning.......Upon becoming a Christian so many things made sense and then some things made no sense at all..Looking back at my past caused so many emotions; happiness, sadness, confusion, and shame.

Reflecting on my life, I spent most of my spare time in silence...The tears that I shed, I believe were tears of release and instrumental in the process of my healing. The laughter I indulged in was also therapy to my soul...Driving to work one day, I thought what could be more therapeutic than writing every thought, dream, fear, idea, quote, song lyric that touches my soul.

These entries will be from the very depth of my soul and will reveal the secret places I went to in my lowest and highest places in The Lord. My prayer is that my experiences and thoughts will take you on a spiritual journey with Jesus, one of healing, release and freedom!!! Remember..... embrace every experience, learn from it, and move towards the next adventure...Happiness is a priceless emotion as sadness is a teaching emotion. Indulge in your quiet time.....Listen to the voice of the Lord.