Friday, April 3, 2009

And We Danced...

Remember your childhood, every new day was a new adventure....The minute your eyes opened you were ready to go...New days brought new lessons, holidays brought so much excitement.. The innocence of our childhood brought such wondrous expectations and a faith that we struggle to maintain as adults. Isn't it ironic how we spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were adults and being adults we often wish we could go back to being children again??
My relationship with Jesus has been a journey into my past...My salvation experience a miracle....My Christianity, a place where I have endured many personal struggles....My Jesus began transforming me from the simplest things to those hidden things that are deep within the very depths of my soul...Those things that have been covered by years of internal suffering and shame..The day I said my prayer of salvation was the day that the shackles of my sin were broken off and I began a journey to emotional and spiritual freedom...The weight of my sin was lifted...The sky seemed brighter, I saw things from somebody elses eyes...It was Jesus!!... I was seeing everything differently...So many things we take for granted...I noticed things I had never paid attention to in the past..
On that day I accepted Jesus..He became my friend..I had someone to talk to...Someone who would never judge me...He loved me no matter what..My soul groaned with such a desire to know Him more and more...I wanted to hear his voice and feel his touch...I wanted to hear Him call my name...
I remember the day like it was yesterday..So much had gone on in a short time of my life in Christ..I had received Him...Attended church and obtained so much knowledge in a short time...It became overwhelming to me..I not only could hear Him call my name, I could see his face and feel His hand as it brushed away my tears..AND THEN....... I laid hopeless on my sofa so confused about the happenings of the last few months...My heart felt like it had been torn to pieces...So much despair and loneliness...Where had Your Spirit gone oh Lord??? How had this happened I sought after you and served you where I was needed..I spoke your words in obedience...What happened?? So many unanswered questions...I felt a creeping darkness take a hold of my sou... Help me, I demanded...I can't find you!!!! I am afraid ...I was hiding my face against the back of my sofa...sobbing...I am afraid!!!! I asked, Were you ever with me? I believed in you..now I am here alone....I began to shutter in my soul, I felt as if the room had dropped 20 degrees...The trembling that was occurring, was a fear that I did not believe existed...I knew for certain it was an evil presence....It was with me in the room, it was hovering over me, I felt familiar emotions of desperation, hopelessness, and despair...
Where did this come from?? I was wounded..I had been beat down, to where I couldn't do it another day..The lies of the enemy had ensnared me...I was drowning, I was dying a spiritual battle that years before I had found victory in...I recall crying for several hours, unable to stop...Where is my victory...Where is my Jesus?? How could something like this happen to me after all I had sacrificed...Where are all these people who I called friends? Oh thinking back... it causes such a well of emotion..This was disconnection....
I finally got the strength and rolled over on the sofa to look the enemy of my soul in the eyes...I saw nothing in the natural, yet I sensed an uneasiness change the atmosphere...I yelled JESUUUUS!!!!! I need you...Come..Come to me...I am weak...I don't feel you..Hurry..Your word says....And in an instant there He was.....Oh.. He is so beautiful..My heart sank into my stomach...Here you are....He was standing in the distance..He seemed so far away from me..The room became calm , the air had warmed...As he stepped toward me..I could see His eyes, the corners of His mouth were turned up slightly...He didn't say a word but his eyes pierced through me...I froze on the couch that day, in utter awe of his presence...He was clothed in the finest of linen...I smiled back softly, in fear that if I had moved suddenly He would be gone...I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks...He approached me...I could see the expression lines on His forehead, I thought my King.. Are those lines from the sorrow you have for your people..I reached out my hand....Will you hold my hand??....He nodded slightly and said ...May I have this dance?? He grabbed me and embraced me in a way that I cannot explain...I felt a surge of energy fill me, every cell in my body lept...I felt as if we had become one soul...There was no seperation between He and I....We danced...He looked at me and said...You are never alone Michelle....Next time my daughter don't wait so long to call my name...I was waiting anxiosly to dance with you.... I gasped and..He was gone.....