Thursday, February 11, 2010

Looking For Love?



I had read so many books on Christian marriage, each author with their own opinions on intimacy between the husband, wife and The Lord....My ninth year wedding anniversary is on February 17th....That will be my second ninth year anniversary...Let me explain....My husband and I were married twice..When we got saved we were living together...Your probably thinking yeah so, that happens all the time...Well, not only were we living together I was still married to a man that was serving several years in prison...Now, don't get judgmental on me, let me finish....My first husband who I married at 22 years of age was accused and arrested for statutory rape 5 months after my daughter was born...He was the love of my life( I thought)..After his incarceration I became very bitter and began to live a lifestyle that was engulfed in sin and addiction...I felt so betrayed , I was humiliated..You see my ex- husband was a business owner and a role model in our community..The families in our community trusted us as people, business owners and with their children...The reason I am telling you all of this is because I want you to see the big picture...And because I am not ashamed of my life before Christ...My life before Jesus is gone...Behold all things have become new!!!..O.k back to my story..When my husband and I met ...I had 2 children with my ex- husband, met a great guy in between him and my husband today..We had a son(who is amazing)..But, I was so unhealthy I screwed that up...So, as you can see my track record wasn't that good...So, I meet Pablo (my hubby)..It is obvious to you by now, that love was something I did not know and intimacy was not a word I rarely heard of, never mind understand it...Love had been replaced by lust and intimacy just did not exist in my world.....Pablo told me shortly after meeting me that he was going to marry me...Remember, I was still married...Any way, months after meeting we moved in together, Pablo is an amazing guy, he took on the responsibility of 3 children that were not his own..He helped pay the bills and babysat my kids while I attended school at night...I began to love him(the best way I knew how)..We talked about marriage often but, I honestly never saw it in our future..Well, on mothers day 10 years ago, he popped the question , it was beautiful...We got saved soon after that..After our salvation we began to read the Bible and attend church regularly..As we grew in our faith being engaged and married to another man became an evident issue..(even if he had been locked up for a few years)......My love for God was growing, my love for Pablo was changing..I wanted to marry Pablo, I wanted to be his wife more than I had ever wanted anything else!! We had sought council from our Pastor regarding the issue of adultery and living together, the man of God directed us to scripture, instructed us to pray and ask for direction..We did just that...My point of all of this is this....Pablo and I were establishing an intimacy with Jesus, we were seeking His face, wanting to know him deeper..When we drew nearer to Him we began to change..We realized our lives did not line up with His word.. we decided to make a covenant with each other and God to refrain from sexual immorality until my divorce was final and we were married...I can say to all of you today that was a very difficult promise to keep, but we did it!!!!..I was so sick of repeating the same old mistakes, I was tired of broken relationships, breaking the hearts of my children and feeling hopeless....My love for Jesus had superseded any relationship I had ever known, I loved Him so much that I didn't want to disappoint Him..And I loved Pablo so much that I didn't want to lose him or push him away..I wanted God to bless my marriage and teach me how to love Pablo completely, I also wanted to be loved....On Nov.17th 2000 I was divorced at 1:00 pm and married to my beautiful husband by 1:15pm..In the same office we received The Lord as our Savior , I came into an intimate union with God my Fatherr and Pablo my husband....We remained faithful to our covenant and 9 years later, we are happy, raising kids, we have a grand daughter, own a business and serving in ministry together....Intimacy with Jesus taught me how to love Pablo, I even learned to love myself, I have received forgiveness from those whom I have wounded, and I have forgiven my ex husband ..You see saints, when you come into a place of intimacy with Jesus he teaches you all you are "willing" to learn..