You and Me

Its times like this when my heart mourns love lost the most ...
Its times like this, I feel your breath against my face....
Its when the sun is shining you seem the closest, its the quiet of the night when I long for your touch....when the sky darkens and rain falls I remember tears once cried for moments we've missed..

Its laughter in my heart I long to feel again.
Its the joy in my eyes I long to see...time has passed us, memories will find us..back where we were suppose to be...me with you and you with me...

 

I Only Desire You...

May, 2013

What does it mean to allow your anointing to be prostituted or even worse yourself to be prostituted? 

Why is it so easy to give away the jewels the Lord has placed on the inside of me to undeserving people?

I guess the ultimate question is whats wrong with me? 

Different views...different values...

Is it considered a sacrifice to do whatever needs to be done for the peace and happiness of others, if it in turn sends your own soul to hell?  

Do you wait until the peace and happiness of those you love is satisfied,than run far away from the lies?  

If you have run the race this long why not keep running?  

But at the expense of others as well as my own sanity? 

Lord, you have heard my plea for provision, a security in my natural.  You have heard my deepest desires, the longing of my heart, my aspirations.  My passion for you has not died, my love for you has not faded.  My endless pleas for vindication have not subsided.  Yet I am torn by the echoing laughter of happiness and the taunting laughter of ravenous demons, who feed and devour me with thoughts of guilt and shame.  Not the shame of guilt past and forgotten but that of the sin I still reside in..  The state of untruth, the lifestyle of lies..But Lord, it is blanketed by the smells of a kitchen and the rhythm of younger feet across a hard wood floor.  The pain is masked by the smiles of faces looking back at me with sighs of relief and painted images of family.  Yet, in all of this my soul longs for deeper things, pure things, things of spiritual substance..Freedoms from self and corrupt ways.. In this I only desire you...

It's You...

July 22, 2013

Because it’s in You, I see...it’s in You I believe, it’s Your

salvation that revived a dying soul. Your pursuit for me

was without boundaries, You fought demons in the dark,

destroying them with Your marvelous light. You took those

things were dead and restored them back to life...it’s You,

it’s You...You set my feet on solid ground after stumbling

for so long, You chastened me and bound me to Your alter of grace. 
You touched my face, held my hand, picked me up

and removed my despair...You beckoned me to take my

place! It’s in You I live, in You I love, it’s You, it’s You...

Freedom

May 31, 2013

My heart breaks with disappointment... hopes of a life filled with

love that explodes from moment to moment...my soul calls after You,

yet You answer me not...was the wind I felt that day on my face

..You telling me it was time for me to say goodbye? Twisted are my

emotions...my heart aches with sorrow...broken promises, so much

deception, lies that will hurt me for a lifetime...If deep really does

cry out to deep, why are my tears falling into an abyss of

nothingness? My spirit screams Your name into a star lit sky, my

soul is tormented with loneliness...This sorrow surrounds me in times

when I should be laughing, it suffocates me in moments I should be

breathing...How could You be a lie, live a lie, justify a lie, believe a lie, 
convince others of a lie ??? Deceived I was by Your anointing of enticement, 
captivated by Your depth of understanding... 
A serpent that twists and turns and hisses at any possible sight

of my freedom... How dare You question who He says I am...How dare

You rob me of my promise...Desolation is Your address, insidious is

Your name.. My laughter would echo in unknown places of unfamiliar

territory...I was locked in a glass box with only holes for oxygen...You

played my face, You drank of my soul and growled at my

destiny...Weeping endless nights, seeking an escape, looking for a

way out...I sought after the one I know who knows me better than

anyone else, I ran into the arms of compassion and mercy, I

pursued truth and he set me free.. I desired strength and he built

me up...no more lies, no more deception...now I call the shots.....I no

longer reek like sulfur, I no longer feel Your grasp around my

throat...or Your grip around my wrist...I called and he answered, it’s

because I took of his body that was broken for me...It’s because I

drank the blood in remembrance of He, that I stand before You

finally free...

It's Natural!!! He's Super

My name should be supernatural.....Well, my middle name anyway...Michelle "supernatural" Feliciano....You'll have to excuse my sarcasm I was cooped up in the house for a day and I just left a Bible study that ran about 3 and a half hours over the normal time frame..So I'm a little Holy Spirit energized...To be honest , my Bible studies never get out on time, I actually warn people in advance, so if they have to leave , they just get up and go when they need to....Yup, that's me..Long winded, charismatic, zealous and excited about every super natural thing the Lord wants to share with the Body of Christ...I have often been warned about staying to long and being to long winded...I try ,I really do, but I am not leaving until the Holy Spirit tells me to....So supernatural personal experiences?? I've got some great ones..When I got saved, when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence in speaking in tongues, the time the Lord healed my shoulder in the middle of a Sunday service, the first time I heard the audible voice of God..The list goes on and on...I love being a Christ follower , it's the most exciting time of my life..There's ups and downs, twists and turns and ins and outs...AMAZING!!! My salvation experience is my all time favorite, but I've told that so many ways and so many times that its becoming redundant..Boring?? No..Redundant?? Yes..So what can I share with you that is even a pale comparison to that?? Good question..Well, let me know what you think about this one??..Not long after I got saved I began to feel this intense feeling of despair and a depression that I was not familiar with..As a matter of fact I'm not sure I really knew what depression was until I got saved..I had small battles with it in my young adulthood but, nothing major..I had not been married for very long..I'm really not sure where it came from, one day I was fine the next day I was miserable..I remember I had so many thoughts coming in out of my mind, confusion, sadness, regret, shame, etc..etc..It was crazy I didn't feel like myself, I was crying all the time.. I became short tempered with my husband Pablo and my children..I began isolating myself, I was quickly crashing and burning...I remember it was one of those days that nothing seemed right, you know when you wish you never woke up that morning??..I just put my baby boy down for his nap, I layed down on the couch with my face toward the back..I began to weep uncontrollably, with my face pressed against the cushion, tears had soaked the material..I was crying out to the Lord begging Him to meet with me, I needed Him to sit with me..I felt so lonely, so overwhelmed!!..Have you ever been in that place between awake and asleep?? Where your senses are still keen??That place where your too tired to cry another tear??That's where I was too tired to cry, my eyes swollen..I spoke softly, "JESUS, CAN YOU COME AND SIT HERE WITH ME?" I think I said that about 5 times..Then,"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."..I had closed my eyes and felt a slight warm breeze as it blew softly threw my living room, it was so soothing I nestled into the couch a little closer , now facing away from the tear soaked fabric...I soon after felt a soft brushing of a hand across my hair...Then down my right cheek..I felt it physically on my face but more powerful than that, I felt it go through my soul...I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Jesus brushed his hand across my head and wiped the tears from my eyes..I know this because I felt it...You know Saints, its times like that when you come into an intimate union with God The Father..I will never forget it!! I called His name and there He was..Right when I needed Him the most...But, that's not the greatest of supernatural experiences..Nope!!The greatest one?? Is that He does it EVERY time I say His name....Now that's Super!!!

Busy, Burdened....Beautiful

A time in the desert...Well, I am sure glad it didnt last 40 years, however 1 day in the desert seems like 40 years...Wilderness, desert, its all the same..Its dry, its desolate, lonely etc..You know what I mean...My desert experiences have been few but have impacted me in such a way that I'm not in a hurry to go back there....I am dry and thirsty Lord send your rain, send your rain...Lord I need your touch again, send your rain, send your rain...Let it rain, Let it fall from heaven , send your rain to revive my soul, I need your rain, I need your streams of refreshing, so i will thirst no more..Those are lyrics to a song that has stuck with me for 10 years..You know those songs that you never forget, or have impacted your life/walk in a way that you don't understand..That is the one that did it for me...My desert experience that remains fresh in my mind is the time I returned to the world...After serving the Lord for 6 years and I mean "serving"..I was busy, busy. busy..Youth, dance, children's ministry any thing that needed to be done I did it..I was going constantly and enjoyed every second of it..You know the desert thing kind of just crept up on me..One day I was going, going ,going the next day ...NOTHING...A lot in my life had transpired during this time, lots of changes..It all happened when a separation occurred between myself and my ministries and my church family...Its really not important these days how it happened as much as the importance of "why" it happened...This experience (desert) was the loneliest, darkest place I had ever been..Sometimes it was cold and desolate and others the temperature got so hot I was gasping for air...My emotions got the best of me in this place, I was sad, lonely, afraid, desperate etc....In this desert I spent some time in a fiery furnace, a lions den, in a pit, a prison I had faced many giants, a serpent had even spoken to me and tried to strangle the very breath of life out of me, I ran, I hid, then I cried out for help.....JESUS!!!!HELP ME..You know what He said that day....I've been here the whole time daughter, I was just waiting for you to ask...I was waiting for you to surrender to me , admit you couldn't do it on your own..I was waiting for you to call out my name...That day in the desert I finally had sensed a glimmer of hope..He told me to walk with Him for He had much to tell me in regards to this place I had been residing in for some time..After a long walk I told the Lord I was weary and didn't think I could continue this journey through this desert..At that moment he told me that we were on our way to the potters house, that it was just a little further along the narrow road we were on, I looked up at Him...I said I am to tired Lord this burden is to much, I cant take another step, I am dry and thirsty..At that moment He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way, I fell asleep as I counted His footprints in the sand..When I had finally came to, we were at the Potters house as he promised we would be..As I looked around I saw so many masterpieces some shiny , some cracked and some on the potters wheel..I asked Jesus my guide why are we here?? Am I going to return to the desert??..His reply was," No daughter, here is where I am going to teach you how to be fit for the masters use......."..You walked through the desert, you called on my name and now here we stand...Here is where You will sit,you will be molded and transformed into a vessel fit for "my" use...

A Whisper in the Darkness

I will start by simply writing...I love my Lord Jesus, more than I can express in words....This has nothing to do with the topic at hand, I just felt led to write it...Now, I'm gonna scream it..Not a real good idea at 1:10 in the morning..My husband (Pablo) is use to my random out bursts when it comes to Jesus.. O.k. onto topic - "disobedience"..A time I was disobedient? And how did the Lord deal with it? When I think of a time of my disobedience all I can really think of is a time almost 5 years ago when I had turned my back on the Lord due to conflict, confusion, lies and offense...For those who know me, they know I do everything in excellence..So, when I'm disobedient I do it ALL THE WAY!!..This was a time in my life when everything that once had made sense and mattered , no longer mattered..As I mentioned my disobedience was the 100% turning away from God, I turned my back on the cross and the love of my Savior...It's really crazy how the whole thing started...I imagine it had all been transpiring for some time, I just did not know about it..Any way it happened, I walked away from everything I had known and everything I had come to believe as truth...As a matter of fact I didn't walk away, I drove about 900 miles away into the city of Charlotte NC...Yes, I did ..My husband and I sold everything we owned and moved our family away from all the pain and heartache of our soon to be past...What kills me is how much deception we were walking in, hidden of course by the stronghold of bitterness and unforgiveness..We all know what those two things do to us..They blind us from the truth and hold us in bondage to our emotions...DANGEROUS!! We left Cape Cod Ma with the hopes of starting over and leaving it all behind...What we soon came to realize is that we left Jesus behind..Saints, my disobedience came when I refused to listen to the instruction of the word, when it came to the dealings of integrity, character and unresolved issues..Oh come on now...You should know by now that I am not ashamed of my past or short comings...I left my home in Ma because I was running away from my problems, masking it with it being God's release or timing....NOT!!! The sad thing about all of this is that I had become so disobedient and felt so seperated from God..That I no longer cared about anything..Really... I cared about nothing..I entered back into my life of parties and night clubs..Jesus and my salvation was a thing of the past, a distant memory, that I intentionally kept locked up in the depths of my despair..Uhhgg, I hated that...How did Christ deal with this??How did He deal with me??Well that's easy..He did it in love, unconditional love, with mercy and grace..I felt Him tugging at my heart, He sent people to speak into my life..He got my attention in the still of the night...Jesus, my Father reminded me of my promise..Just about 3 years ago, I rededicated my life to Christ and began a deep healing process, seeking for the root of my disobedience searching for answers about what made me stumble..I began looking deep inside myself....The more I looked (and listened) I heard a familiar still, small voice calling my name..He was telling me to trust Him..He told me to lay my burdens down..I did just that..I called out to Him , He answered, Jesus heard my cry that day in a small brick church in Monroe, NC..In my disobedience Jesus waited for me..He waited for me to once again choose Him over all my sorrow...Jesus, choose me, healed me and restored me, my family and my long awaited reconciliation to my church family on Cape Cod MA..JESUS DEALT WITH ME..In my disobedience, He handled me with tender, loving care...How else would He have done it??

The "Net" Matthew 4:18-19

Last Saturday night my dance ministry " On Eagles Wings" had the awesome privilege of ministering for an Apostles birthday celebration..It was an awesome time in the Lord..There was a mime team, an anointed choir and lots of men and women of God helping to usher the magnificent presence of the Lord into the house!!!!..I had the opportunity to connect with other God loving individuals...The Apostle said from the pulpit..Hey, I'm a Christian and yes, I'm on Facebook...Everyone laughed out loud and started pointing at each other...(He was full of life..)I thought to myself..How awesome it is that Christians are storming the net with ministry opportunities, prayer requests and there testimonies and journeys with the Lord...Satan does not have the upper hand!!!!!..The Body of Christ is getting real and becoming very evident via the internet..I have used the internet as a means to preach and teach the gospel, restore broken relationships, tell the struggles and triumphs of my life, and bring glory to God... I love being able to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries with people from far away...Online ministry??It just doesn't get any better than that..The Glory of God being revealed from nation to nation, city to city, by just the click of a few buttons.....

Until we meet again...

So much has changed in my life in the last 6 months....It really shouldn't be that shocking, from the first day of receiving the Lord as my Savior it has been an on going process of healing... A roller coaster ride of emotions...Ups and Downs, around sharp corners at serious speeds, you know with every movement your stomach feels sick??..I feel led by the Holy Spirit to share something with all who read this blog...The most recent change in my life began about 6 weeks ago...I now have the awesome privilege of being The Shepherd of an amazing group of people...We meet every Sunday, we have Bible Studies , dance teams...etc..etc..We share a passion for The Kingdom and Gods people...But what I want to share with you is the time we all spend together in our mid week meeting..The Lord placed the topic of "Pulling Down Strongholds" on my heart..This is something I have studied(myself) for a long time..I went through a very difficult season in my walk and was determined to find out what was the "real" problem or issues that lay deep within my soul...Deeper than my surface struggles and sin... This may be uncomfortable for some to read due to its controversial subject...However, I am who I am, not who I was...My past doesn't matter any more any way....Behold all things are new...Like I said earlier my journey with Jesus has been one of discovery, repentance, truth suffering ,freedom and blessings...(up, down, up, down)The list could go on and on....O.K. enough stalling.......I was 15 years old(1985) and pregnant....I had a boyfriend and obviously sexually active. I told my mom and we decided to take me out of public school and enroll me into a teen mother program(awful)..There was so much confusion and chaos going on around me and inside of me..Lots of people had expressed their opinions on what they thought would be best for me and my unborn child...I was being pulled on all different directions...I was ashamed and scared...I don't remember when the decision came about that I was going to have an abortion...But, that ended up as the final answer...It was a long bus ride to the clinic that day, my mom and I left at 5 am, to get to the appointment on time to get anesthesia..I walked up the sidewalk and saw people holding signs with disgusting photographs, they were yelling at me and told me I was murdering my baby..My mind was racing, a baby??....I didn't know....They brought me in the room took an ultrasound(they would not let me see)..Put an I.V. in my arm ,as tears rolled down my face I fell asleep...I woke up in a cold recovery room with several other women, except I was the only one screaming....I was yelling where is he, my baby where?? Tell me what it was..It was a boy right..It was a boy!!!They scolded me, telling me to be quiet..They gave me a pill and moved me into a private area....The rest I have no memory of...Next, I remember I was back on the bus on my way home....Throughout my christian journey, I have often revisited this instance and have forgiven every one involved including myself...(so I thought)...Well, Wednesday night I was at my mid week meeting discussing all I had learned in the area of strongholds and Christian freedom from past sin and spiritual bondage..We had an awesome night of confessions, healing and freedoms..I went home, read the Word and fell asleep(as usual)..I had a dream that night (disturbing), I wasn't going to mention it to anyone because it was so strange, but the visions wouldn't go away...I finally told a friend who is gifted in the area of dream symbolism and interpretation, she explained and clarified the message....The dream was a message to me regarding the condition of my heart, I was still harboring the emotions of inadequacy, pain and grief...My dream had a beautiful baby boy in it....My friend thought it represented my"first born son".....The rest of the dream had so much symbolism in reference to the adequacy issue, my past, my purpose, my church....on and on..My first born son??This connection was not where all of these above issues "stemmed" from....We both began to pray and the Lord brought me back to the recovery room of the clinic....MY SHAME!!!..I murdered my baby...I thought I was healed from this a long time ago..Why am I crying??Last night I revisited this place in the spirit and realized I had not forgiven myself completely...Last night I remembered that at 15 years old I had chosen a name for my unborn child and I was convinced that this child was a boy...I GAVE THIS UNBORN CHILD HIS NAME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY SAVIOR...His name is Nicholas Michael...In the spirit my Jesus, let me look into the eyes of this child, hold him in my arms , kiss his face and tell him I was sorry...The Lord stretched out His arms, looking at me with eyes of compassion, I placed Nicholas into His arms and watched Jesus take this child into heaven...Where he will be waiting for me...Today I have reflected on the face of this child and on the face of my King..Today, I have forgiven myself...Thank you my redeemer, my savior and my friend....

Looking For Love?

I had read so many books on Christian marriage, each author with their own opinions on intimacy between the husband, wife and The Lord....My ninth year wedding anniversary is on February 17th....That will be my second ninth year anniversary...Let me explain....My husband and I were married twice..When we got saved we were living together...Your probably thinking yeah so, that happens all the time...Well, not only were we living together I was still married to a man that was serving several years in prison...Now, don't get judgmental on me, let me finish....My first husband who I married at 22 years of age was accused and arrested for statutory rape 5 months after my daughter was born...He was the love of my life( I thought)..After his incarceration I became very bitter and began to live a lifestyle that was engulfed in sin and addiction...I felt so betrayed , I was humiliated..You see my ex- husband was a business owner and a role model in our community..The families in our community trusted us as people, business owners and with their children...The reason I am telling you all of this is because I want you to see the big picture...And because I am not ashamed of my life before Christ...My life before Jesus is gone...Behold all things have become new!!!..O.k back to my story..When my husband and I met ...I had 2 children with my ex- husband, met a great guy in between him and my husband today..We had a son(who is amazing)..But, I was so unhealthy I screwed that up...So, as you can see my track record wasn't that good...So, I meet Pablo (my hubby)..It is obvious to you by now, that love was something I did not know and intimacy was not a word I rarely heard of, never mind understand it...Love had been replaced by lust and intimacy just did not exist in my world.....Pablo told me shortly after meeting me that he was going to marry me...Remember, I was still married...Any way, months after meeting we moved in together, Pablo is an amazing guy, he took on the responsibility of 3 children that were not his own..He helped pay the bills and babysat my kids while I attended school at night...I began to love him(the best way I knew how)..We talked about marriage often but, I honestly never saw it in our future..Well, on mothers day 10 years ago, he popped the question , it was beautiful...We got saved soon after that..After our salvation we began to read the Bible and attend church regularly..As we grew in our faith being engaged and married to another man became an evident issue..(even if he had been locked up for a few years)......My love for God was growing, my love for Pablo was changing..I wanted to marry Pablo, I wanted to be his wife more than I had ever wanted anything else!! We had sought council from our Pastor regarding the issue of adultery and living together, the man of God directed us to scripture, instructed us to pray and ask for direction..We did just that...My point of all of this is this....Pablo and I were establishing an intimacy with Jesus, we were seeking His face, wanting to know him deeper..When we drew nearer to Him we began to change..We realized our lives did not line up with His word.. we decided to make a covenant with each other and God to refrain from sexual immorality until my divorce was final and we were married...I can say to all of you today that was a very difficult promise to keep, but we did it!!!!..I was so sick of repeating the same old mistakes, I was tired of broken relationships, breaking the hearts of my children and feeling hopeless....My love for Jesus had superseded any relationship I had ever known, I loved Him so much that I didn't want to disappoint Him..And I loved Pablo so much that I didn't want to lose him or push him away..I wanted God to bless my marriage and teach me how to love Pablo completely, I also wanted to be loved....On Nov.17th 2000 I was divorced at 1:00 pm and married to my beautiful husband by 1:15pm..In the same office we received The Lord as our Savior , I came into an intimate union with God my Fatherr and Pablo my husband....We remained faithful to our covenant and 9 years later, we are happy, raising kids, we have a grand daughter, own a business and serving in ministry together....Intimacy with Jesus taught me how to love Pablo, I even learned to love myself, I have received forgiveness from those whom I have wounded, and I have forgiven my ex husband ..You see saints, when you come into a place of intimacy with Jesus he teaches you all you are "willing" to learn..

From Victim to Victor

Victory has not been defined by what I have experienced in my own walk but, even more amazing than mine, I have been privileged enough to see the transforming power of Jesus take men and women from victim to victorious....It never ceases to amaze me , the awesomeness of God !!!



''One" of my ministries is a dance team..It is called On Eagles Wings...Isaiah 40:31...I have been ministering through dance off and on now for almost 10 years..It has been a ministry that has never lost its power, there is something unfathomable that happens when you enter the throne room by way of intimate worship...One word!!! V.I.C.T.O.R.Y...I have seen deliverance from depression and anxiety..I have seen many victories in the area of forgiveness and miraculous restorations of relationships take place.



I have also experienced many victories in my walk with the Lord..I have often made reference to my salvation experience because of it being the first time in my life I had ever felt triumphant, I had a glimpse at hope...At that moment in my life I had understood (finally) freedom..That freedom has sent me on a journey of one victory after another, I never look at one being greater or bigger than another..There all stepping stones after all our greatest victory will be when we are standing face to face with our beautiful Savior..I am excited that my mess has become my message...I have not a single regret, my past and its ugliness has shaped me into the sold out, radical Jesus lover that I am today...That is a victory I wouldn't change for any thing this world has to offer me...I love Jesus!!!!

The Ministry of Grace

Grace...a word I know well!!

My grandmothers name was Gwendolyn Ruth Kennedy...She passed away before my oldest son was born (17 years ago). Amazing Grace was the song I would sing to her (only the first verse). I had not an ounce of understanding about the song or the word "grace" for that matter. I just knew she loved it and the words spoke to me, I now know they were speaking to my soul...

Grace is a word I have not only come to know but, I have had revelation upon revelation that has opened up a deeper understanding and a freeing power.

As I have said many times in the past, my salvation experience was a radical one...a Jesus encounter!!

My husband and I were in a small office, on Cape Cod Ma., We had made plans to distract and freak out the "God Guy!" With every attempt at distracting him and saying things that, I thought would make him throw my husband and I out of his office....Well,it didn't work, it seemed that the more darkness we poured out, the more his eyes filled with tears and the gentler he became. Can you understand my frustration? The tattoos and piercings weren't working, the black makeup didn't phase him, the "gangsta" attire wasn't working either. Our intentions were to make his head spin, how in the world was he making "our" heads spin? Well I now know it was "grace!"

I don't have any deep "theology" on the subject. What I do have is revelation-A divine impartation from the Holy Spirit.
OK back to the story.....

That day my husband and I accepted Christ as our Savior our names were written in the Lambs book of Life...Thank you Jesus!!

That head spinning feeling from the God Guy was... The absence of judgement,sincerety and no fear of "our nonsense." It was a love that he too had obtained from God's grace bestowed upon him.
After leaving the office that day...My husband and I had nothing to talk about,it was a long, silent car ride back home.

This is my 10th year serving the Lord and the understanding of grace has not only become deeper for me but, has become the foundation of my ministry.

Check this out-It doesn't matter what you've done, what you were in the past, how educated you are, what gender you are. The grace of Jesus Christ says-You are loved, you are good enough! It says you were worth dying for!...

Close Your Eyes and Worship

The subject of worship or a profound Worship experience? When I saw this was the blog subject for the week, I got EXCITED!! My mind immediately went to the first Sunday my husband and I stepped into a church.

We walked into an elementary school with what seemed liked 100's of exuberant smiling faces. I was so overtaken by the feeling of the atmosphere, that it took me a minute or two to realize there was a band playing music, people had hands raised eyes closed...Some people had their eyes open, some swayed from side to side, some even jumped. There was one woman in particular I remember vividly...she had her hands raised with a smile but tears were streaming down her face.

That entire service she had my attention, I watched as she smiled and wept, blotted her tears and cried some more.

I remember asking my husband Pablo-What is going on in here?

My mind was racing....OK??....When you walk in..everyone talks to you, then hugs you. Some people are laughing when others are crying. It's a miracle we even went back....Every Sunday that we went back it was the same experience. We got use to it (sort of) I even began singing the songs, some even from memory.

The songs became familiar, they were no longer strange....They were beautiful...the more I sang them the more beautiful they became. I began to anticipate the "song" part of church. I loved the message, I was learning and being challenged all at the same time. My salvation from day one has been a challenge and a constant learning experience. (That's a different blog)

After watching others worship and participating in worship myself. I became intrigued by those who raised their hands.

So what did I do ? What I always do!...JUMP in with both feet...In this case "both hands"...The song playing was "This is the Air I Breath."

I did it! I closed my eyes and with all my strength fought against the feelings of insecurity and thrust my arms into heaven.

The emotion I felt surged through my hands, through my entire body. I began to sing louder as tears began streaming down my face. That day in church...I understood "Worship."....That day I surrendered my will for His.

Jesus touched me that day. He spoke to me, I heard His voice. In that crowded church with eyes closed. It was just me and my Father. He told me that He loved me, and what I had done in my past didn't matter to Him. He called me daughter. That day...I became daddy's little girl....From that Sunday til the present time there is not a church service that I don't stand in surrender, there is not a song that is sung that I don't raise my arms in honor and praise to my King....Worship changed my life!! It gave me a way to come into intimate union with Jesus my Savior. It is my secret place where I can express to Him my inner most thoughts and desires. It's where I feel a sense of unconditional love into the very depths on my soul....

For 10 years now...I have had the honor of being a part and leading christian dance teams. I have seen miracles take place in many men, women and childrens lives I have watched deliverance and freedom explode from the presence of intimate worship.

So I guess it would be safe to say...Every worship experience has been profound. Every experience is unique. There is always something new He's speaking to us or maybe it's just the gentle touch of His hand as he wipes away your tears...My Jesus, My Savior, My Redeemer and King!!

Divine Revelation...Outside of the BOX

Remember as a child getting a book and thinking it was a really dumb gift. Only until you realized it was a “pop up” book?! As a little girl I would think those were the greatest gifts to receive. You would open the cover AND THERE IT WAS the whole story in 3D….The town, the street signs, the whole story larger than life! The greatest one I had ever received came in a fancy box that clasped together with a long ribbon that could be tied into a fancy bow….Oh yeah, this book even had the little tabs that you pulled and it would open cardboard windows and doors and pots that were without flowers suddenly had them…Cool, cool, cool!!!...A whole different world in a box……..

As an adult I still walk directly toward the “pop up’ book section in the book store they have made great gifts for both of my daughters, and now my grand daughter…I even bought my 11 year old son one this Christmas that contained pirate ships…Imagination in a box…..

Is that what ministry has come too?? Is that what we have done with God??...Believers, have we turned our relationship with Jesus into a “pop up” book in a fancy box. Leaders are we planting churches and establishing ministries on a system of programs that have been already established…Church in a box ….There was a negative about those pop up books, it took away any opportunity for creative imagination….Do you think that keeping God in a box or automatically choosing programs to build “better” ministries takes away the opportunity for Divine revelation??....Don’t hear what I’m not saying ...There are some great books and very anointed studies out there…However, the best book is The Bible and anointed teachings are on its pages.. Pop up programs, commercial Christianity, God in a box……There isn’t a box big enough to fit our God!!! There isn’t a program out there that will work without the anointing of the Holy Spirit…

Living in the South now for 4 years (native Yankee)..One thing there is not a shortage of is churches…There is at least 2 within ½ a mile radius of each other. All different denominations, some structures are free standing, some are store fronts, one is a refurbished bank (drive thru window still intact)…At Christmas they all have Christmas cantatas/pageants, there is a church barbecue almost every weekend in the spring /summer months, spaghetti dinners, etc.. etc…How much spaghetti can a non believer eat??...Do you get the “pop up” picture??...

Divine revelation people….Our times have changed and are continuing to change….Let God out of the box… We need holy spirit conviction, NOT man’s condemnation, we need His guidance, we need His wisdom…The programs aren’t working, they have lost their effectiveness….Jesus set before us a life giving message, that never loses its effectiveness…The same scripture read by different people, or even at different stages in life can open up lessons, programs and revelation that is divinely inspired….A divinely inspired “pop up” that changes from reader to reader. Now that’s cool!!!..

A Spiritual Resolution for the Saints - Compassion through God's Eyes

Knowing a week ago that the topic of this blog would be on spiritual resolution made me a little nervous….Resolution huh?? Oh my goodness its one of those things I have to attempt to keep New years resolutions have more often been things I have broken then kept…. And of course its not any resolution its a “spiritual” resolution…The definition of resolution in the Webster’s Dictionary is…A decision to do something or behave in a certain manner…Well, that eases my mind a little, it doesn’t say to commit to something or make a covenant about something….I want to believe that resolutions are intended to be kept and the people that make them have intentions to keep them…What is it about The New Year that gets us excited for new beginnings, suddenly we are ready to get things in order, lose weight, adjust our finances, blah, blah, blah….Then as suddenly as the desire comes in for change it begins to fade away…..Sad, sad, sad but true!!!

Anyways…..Enough stalling Michelle……Talking to myself is a bad habit!!.. :)

2010…The Year of the Lord…This has been stirring in my spirit for several months. This is not only a holiday that will bring in the “sense” of new beginnings. I believe this is the beginning, the beginning of a spiritual shift, a spiritual awakening, an out pouring of Gods power it is the year of The Lord!! So where does my spiritual resolution fit in to this up and coming season??

My spiritual resolution is this….To prepare ye the way of the Lord!! I am committed to allow the transforming power of the gospel of Jesus Christ to be expressed through my words, attitude and actions I am willing to pray without ceasing and seek after the kingdom and all of its righteousness….This seems to be a lot and a bit intimidating however, the driving force behind this resolution is every soul that is without the peace of God and the gift of salvation…With 2010 coming and the word of the Lord being ..”Prepare the way for my coming”, doesn’t that mean to get His people ready, “all” people….Luke 19:10 reads, “The son of Man came to seek and save what was lost.”…Are we not called to be like Christ? We are expected to have the same heart of compassion as Christ has for all humanity...To prefer others over ourselves...With that being my resolution I have a challenge for you… Where ever you are grocery store, mall, work, ask the Holy Spirit to give you the compassion of Christ for every person you can see. Ask Him for His heart and His eyes, then wait (patiently) you will begin to feel sorrow, fear and COMPASSION! Do not turn away keep pressing through, look into their souls. Maybe this years resolution will concern the change of others and not ourselves, maybe this year our resolutions will make a difference in the world…This year isn’t about us at all its going to be the year of the Lord! Happy New Year Saints of God!!!

A Baby Changed Everything...

On December 10th 2009, I had the awesome pleasure of watching my sons daughter come into the world..As he stood next to his fiance assisting her in her contractions, he peered over to see the delivery of his daughter take place...I will never forget the look on "my" 17 year old baby's face as he laid his eyes on his baby for the first time....It was something only understood if you had experienced it yourself, my words do not give justice to the expression on his youthful, frightened face. The hardest thing for me, I would say was revisiting my experience delivering my precious baby boy...I was in awe of his young fiances courage and strength...I was overtaken by the emotions of gaining a granddaughter and watching my son before my eyes go from a boy to a man with the love of a father exhuming from his spirit...That day has left me pondering many things, I went from a mom to a grandmother I saw my son change from boy to a man, I watched a young girl transform into the very life source of another soul...The glory of God had flooded that hospital room in such force it became a tangible presence...My son who over the years has become very bitter toward the things of God declared with his mouth, "Look what God has done, how could any one deny God's existence, thank you Jesus for my daughter!!"..Well as you can imagine, as a mom, I lost it!!!.....This precious little child changed everything...My son saw the love of God through the birth of his daughter..My grand daughter Cadyn was 10 days earlier than expected, but not a minute to soon!!!!...That little baby changed everything!!!!In my quiet time I have reflected on my sons face and wept, completely overwhelmed with the unfailing love of the Father...And the love for my son...The love for this precious little girl..And the realization of the day that the baby Jesus took His first earthly breath...As God the Father watched Mary bring forth His beloved, what he must have felt watching her strain through each contraction...Mary was God's daughter, the chosen vessel in which The Messiah would grow and be brought into the world...God watched as a father of Jesus, as the father of Joseph, and as the father of Mary...He watched as His creation, created!!!! As Mary and Joseph wept and gave glory to God for His gift, I believe God also wept!!! That day, Christmas day a baby changed everything!!!!! This season, remember that every human being is a gift to God and that Jesus came into the world for the salvation of every person, that He was born to die..That the miracle of HIS birth is this... When Jesus took His first breath and let out his first cry...That was the beginning of the "gift" of your salvation!!! This season stop for just a moment and look into the faces of your gifts from God and share the story of that baby's cry..Before any packages get torn open or a single gift is unwrapped, take a moment and reflect!!! The cry of that infant child, was the same cry that came from that same child of God hanging on a cross on Calvary....Christmas: a time of celebration, vivid colors, joyful music and time spent with family and friends..The food is fabulous and the aromas of Christmas are nostalgic...Even better than all of these things wrapped up together in a beautiful package with a big fat bow is the meaning of this joyous holiday!!!!..That meaning is JESUS!!!.....MERRY CHRISTMAS SAINTS!!!! HE IS THE ONLY REASON FOR THIS SEASON!!!!!

The Kingdom of God is here and now...

The Kingdom of God is here and now... I've said that to myself now about 5 times... Every time I say it the more excited I become...

My name is Michelle, my blog style is probably very different from the others written on this page... It is a bit intimidating being among such awesome inspiration and revelation... However, I'm up for the challenge... After all,The Kingdom of God is here and now!!!

What an awesome time in history this is for the sons and daughters of God. The spiritual realm and physical realm is under such distress and we as the body of believers have a front row seat... I come to you today with a word of encouragement !!! Remain faithful and do not become weary in well doing... Saints of God, this is the season for the harvest...This is the time for the body of believers to put into practice what Jesus spoke in Luke 4:18-19(nkjv)...

"The spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor;He has sent Me to heal the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed;To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord."

All I can say is WOW!! We are placed strategically in our cities , towns, jobs, etc..for this very reason. Jesus has prepared the way and sent us to the people that need to hear the good news. At the time of our salvation saints, we received the awesome gift of eternal life and a life time partner and guide... "The Holy Spirit!". Because The Spirit of the Lord is upon every believer you are anointed!!! You/we were recruited into the service of the Lord. The Kingdom of God is here and now. So, my question is this: Saints what are we waiting for? There are people dying with out Christ, there are needs all around us. It's our responsibility to disarm the spirit of infliction, poverty and wickedness. Jesus never said it was going to be easy. You're going to be considered odd, different... So what!!Leave your reputation behind!!!Saints we need to call things as if they were!! People may ask you, "Who do you think you are??" Your response will be a son/ daughter of The Living God!!

With the kingdom ever present all that's done in the name of the Lord is for the building up of His kingdom. Our purposes are becoming greater in these days, I sense in my spirit the urgency of the Fathers cries for sincerity in His servants, for a fresh passion ignited by the realization of His cross and his inevitable return.There is much to accomplish in our short visit here on earth with not much time to waste. All this laboring we are doing over the Saints, and all of our own personal struggles are for God's purposes, and the purpose of the building up of His Kingdom.

So rise up!! All this "stuff" we are dealing with is for something!! Hooray!!

Cry out to Jesus

Jesus.....This isn't easy…Serving you father...I know you are here. I am waiting...I need to hear from you....I can close my eyes and sense your presence...I can feel the gentleness of your touch as you comfort my weary soul. Why is this so hard? In your presence is where I am safe, you are my refuge. I am crying out to you in my times of uncertainty...This smile that I wear, its becoming heavy...How long Lord until I hear you call my name.

This road we have chosen as Christ followers is not the easy road, this is the road many start on but, soon become weary in their journey. Why?? Whose idea was it to take Jesus out of The Body of Christ? If we are not going there with an expectation to meet The King of Kings, why are we going? Well planned programs do not usher in the transforming power of Jesus Christ...Half hazard worship or a song service quenches the Holy Spirit...He is grieved by our pride and arrogance. Where has the importance of prayer gone...Why have we shunned the Spirit of the Living God? Where is repentance?

Jesus.....Jesus......What have we done? Revive the hearts of humanity!!! We need you…

Hear my cries oh God....Rain down on us...... Touch your people.....Your blood was not shed in vain...We need you....God your never failing love is manifested daily in all that you created... Rain on us...We need you...

Surrounded by so much confusion and Godlessness...This is the time for the believers in Christ Jesus to stand for something...Rise up....Shake off those grave clothes and come forth from the wreckage and praise Him...Go to The Word...READ THE RED LETTERS!!! The time is now...What if tomorrow never comes?

Choose Jesus

Do you know that you are a child of the Risen Lord...What does that mean? That you have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ...That means through the death and resurrection of Jesus, Heaven can be your home......How?? Ask Jesus to be Lord of your life, accept Him as your personal Savior.....

OR

NOT!!!!!...................Darkness has surrounded you...You are unfamiliar with this place....Hello....Is anyone there?? Your eyes are blurred....Hello...Anyone...As you focus on the ground, you notice your arms are bound with chains that have been latched to the earth beneath you…..In fear you try to move your legs...They too have been bound...You can hear your voice echo.....Struggling to get loose, the chains begin to cut into your flesh...Please someone...Help....The air is thick with a dense fog, the smell of sulfur has filled the air....In the distance, there is movement...You can only make out shadows...Trembling with fear you begin to battle the shackles that keep you bound...The struggle is causing a thick cloud of soot...gasping and choking your screams become frantic.....You grow weary and weak...Your arms collapse from exhaustion, your legs feeble from the attempt to free them...There is a frightening silence in this place...Your eyes are burning, you close them...Tears streaming down your cheeks from the poison that has filled the air...With a deep gasp......Where am I.........

A sinister voice from behind, replies....Welcome to your eternity...You are with me....Hesitantly, you try to lift your head, but the weight of this presence is heavy...too heavy to move...Please release me....Horror fills your soul...I know of this place.....Laughter begins to fill the space…The laughter of many from all directions....STOP!!!! Stop laughing at me...Please I want to go home....What has happened?? Where are my friends?? My family?? Wait...Wait.....I remember...The laughing ceases...I was in an accident....I was speeding, I thought I could drive...I only had a few drinks…The road was slick and I lost control of the wheel...Wait... Where is she????? The shadows begin to move...Growling is heard from every corner...Where is she??

Oh...Oh ..Poor child, a voice arrogantly whimpering from behind...She has gone to a place you will never see…Snickering....You didn't want to listen, she tried to tell you...You refused...All the times she invited you and your children to church…

YOUR EXCUSES WERE PATHETIC!!!

She told you about the one she served, you mocked her behind her back...I knew you were to weak to stand for something more than what the world had offered you...I enjoyed listening to you rationalize your lifestyle and lavished in the way you poisoned your body and the minds of your children…BRAVO!!!

SUDDENLY.....frantic voices from far off, a large white light appears above you....
NOOOOOO!!!!! She is mine!!!!!! A thrust surging through your body, the thrust of many volts of electricity...And again...The frantic voices are getting closer with each thrust…The light closer and brighter....The sound of a steady beeping replaces the frightening silence you had recently experienced...You hear your name...Over and over again....

Finally, we have a heart beat...She is back....Your breathing is shallow…In your spirit, you hear a voice...This voice is different from the others.....The voice whispers...It is I....Jesus you choose me?? Not all are given a second chance...
I...Jesus Christ, ...The one you mocked... the one you denied...The one who has saved your soul....I have given you a second chance.....

Do you choose me???....

Surrender...

As I stand at the alter...Your spirit is speaking to me...I can hear you, calling out to me....The music in the background becomes faint... I can hear you calling me...I raise one hand...Jesus, I am here.. Father...Father...I am here..Your Spirit envelopes me...I raise my other hand...My eyes are closed... I am drifting...drifting...Away from this place...I can see you. You know I have arrived, I see your face in the distance, your facial features are strong yet, gentle...You have the voice of a father....I love the way you smile at me.....It brings me to my knees...I cry ..Jesus....Jesus...How I desire to be with you....How is it you see and know everything, yet you still love me...

Jesus, I desire to know you...Speak to me during this time...On my knees, tears streaming down my face...I worship you....I exalt you in this place....My God I long to see you now.

In the distance I hear ...Stand up...Daughter...Stand up...A whisper that sounded like a roll of thunder.....Stand up, lift your arms and let it all go, SURRENDER..... Give to me, what burdens you...Give it to me...Let me carry you...I am removing the shackles and confusion that bounds you…I am taking all your shame and failures...I will give you victory...Through me there is freedom and liberty...When I remove your shackles...You will dance!!!!
Saints......I speak to you with an urgency from the very throne room of our Heavenly Father.....Worship Him...In spirit and in truth…Many of us walk through our Christian journey asleep...Its time to awaken...Stand....Wipe the sleep from your eyes...Worshiping God is our way of visiting with Him while we are still here on earth…Transformation can only occur by visiting with the Master in His quarters...God's children rise from your slumber....Raise your hands...Cry out to Him...He will heal you...Sometimes we feel so helpless...Not knowing what we should do...He is calling you...Stand up!! He is waiting for you....The joy of the Lord is your strength.....

My prayer for you.....Listen to the small still voice that calls to you....If you listen closely, you'll hear your name....In your times of worship, seek His face...Give to Him what He is asking....Don't look to the left or to the right...Just look up!!!!! He wants to remove your shackles...your bondage..........So, You can dance....

The gateway.....My dedication to you my friend...

In my ministry I have had people often ask me ...How did you develop the relationship you have with Jesus?? My response is always...He became.... my father... my best friend..my lover..my redeemer..my counselor...my king!!! How??.. They ask..Well... I was introduced to Jesus...I had a date with a friend....That day my life changed..........I remember the day like it was yesterday....I walked into a small building....Into a room with a man I had never met...I knew of him, because my mother attended his church. When I first saw him I knew immediately that something was different about him..I really didn't know what to expect..His voice was sincere and kind, he graciously expressed his love for his wife and his love for Jesus Christ..He told me, it didn't matter what I had done in the past, that Jesus loved me...And that the love of Christ never fails, it is unconditional...When he spoke his eyes welled with tears..He told me because of Jesus Christ he is a new creation, and that all have fallen short of the glory of God...And that God gave up his only son, so we would have a chance at a new life ..A life with Him....Everlasting....This man taught me, that only through Jesus my life could change...He taught me scripture, directed my path, and always pointed me back to The Word of God!!!

Christ Followers, I would like to take you on this journey with me..My salvation, was miraculous..radical...I felt Jesus touch my soul......I knew at that moment...I have found my true love...Walk with me...

It's about dusk..The night air is brisk..the autumn leaves have fallen from the trees revealing the now naked branches..As I walk along the sidewalk, through the trees, in the distance, I can see the rising of the moon...My stomach is restless, butterflies fluttering uncontrollably...As I turn the corner, I can see our meeting place..It's quaint.......Every step I take towards this place my heart begins to beat uncontrollably...I enter through the gateway...Anxiously, I scan the space.....I was nervous, yet I didn't know why..I had heard, from others that He was gentle and kind.... But still, My palms begin to sweat....The man at the, gateway noticed it was me...He said, " That my friend had been waiting for me....and that, it would be his pleasure to introduce the two of us."... I walked slowly anticipating every step that brought me closer to Him..I noticed that each table I passed had a faintly lit candle...How peaceful this setting was....The man told me that he had met Him some time ago, and that He was a dear friend of his also... And I should get to know Him......Approaching the table....The man carefully leaned forward, and said....Michelle....this is He...Who I told you about....At that moment my breathing became shallow, my heart felt like it had stopped......It became silent......I looked around.....We were alone....He looked at me and said hello my love...I have been waiting for you.....He stood slowly, walked toward me, pulled out my chair..... He whispered... Sit my darling...I felt Him brush by me..Suddenly, He was across the table....My lips quivering I said, Hello.....He was more beautiful than I had ever imagined.....He slowly reached across the table..May I hold your hand?? I have longed for this moment for a very long time.....Now here you are...Michelle ..Please look up at me....I looked into His eyes..... He stretched forth His other hand and brushed his palm gently down my face ....At that moment.. time had stopped.....I knew, from that day forward I would live my life only to please Him...

My meeting with Jesus that day has changed my life...I can never express to you, through words.. How my heart has rejoiced in every experience.. How my spirit has soared with every encounter...And how I have cried out, through every visit back to the potter's wheel....I can say this...Thank-you for introducing me to my Savior and King.. I am eternally grateful....Because of you...I will someday be dancing on streets of gold!!!!