Freedom

May 31, 2013

My heart breaks with disappointment... hopes of a life filled with

love that explodes from moment to moment...my soul calls after You,

yet You answer me not...was the wind I felt that day on my face

..You telling me it was time for me to say goodbye? Twisted are my

emotions...my heart aches with sorrow...broken promises, so much

deception, lies that will hurt me for a lifetime...If deep really does

cry out to deep, why are my tears falling into an abyss of

nothingness? My spirit screams Your name into a star lit sky, my

soul is tormented with loneliness...This sorrow surrounds me in times

when I should be laughing, it suffocates me in moments I should be

breathing...How could You be a lie, live a lie, justify a lie, believe a lie, 
convince others of a lie ??? Deceived I was by Your anointing of enticement, 
captivated by Your depth of understanding... 
A serpent that twists and turns and hisses at any possible sight

of my freedom... How dare You question who He says I am...How dare

You rob me of my promise...Desolation is Your address, insidious is

Your name.. My laughter would echo in unknown places of unfamiliar

territory...I was locked in a glass box with only holes for oxygen...You

played my face, You drank of my soul and growled at my

destiny...Weeping endless nights, seeking an escape, looking for a

way out...I sought after the one I know who knows me better than

anyone else, I ran into the arms of compassion and mercy, I

pursued truth and he set me free.. I desired strength and he built

me up...no more lies, no more deception...now I call the shots.....I no

longer reek like sulfur, I no longer feel Your grasp around my

throat...or Your grip around my wrist...I called and he answered, it’s

because I took of his body that was broken for me...It’s because I

drank the blood in remembrance of He, that I stand before You

finally free...

The Ministry of Grace

Grace...a word I know well!!

My grandmothers name was Gwendolyn Ruth Kennedy...She passed away before my oldest son was born (17 years ago). Amazing Grace was the song I would sing to her (only the first verse). I had not an ounce of understanding about the song or the word "grace" for that matter. I just knew she loved it and the words spoke to me, I now know they were speaking to my soul...

Grace is a word I have not only come to know but, I have had revelation upon revelation that has opened up a deeper understanding and a freeing power.

As I have said many times in the past, my salvation experience was a radical one...a Jesus encounter!!

My husband and I were in a small office, on Cape Cod Ma., We had made plans to distract and freak out the "God Guy!" With every attempt at distracting him and saying things that, I thought would make him throw my husband and I out of his office....Well,it didn't work, it seemed that the more darkness we poured out, the more his eyes filled with tears and the gentler he became. Can you understand my frustration? The tattoos and piercings weren't working, the black makeup didn't phase him, the "gangsta" attire wasn't working either. Our intentions were to make his head spin, how in the world was he making "our" heads spin? Well I now know it was "grace!"

I don't have any deep "theology" on the subject. What I do have is revelation-A divine impartation from the Holy Spirit.
OK back to the story.....

That day my husband and I accepted Christ as our Savior our names were written in the Lambs book of Life...Thank you Jesus!!

That head spinning feeling from the God Guy was... The absence of judgement,sincerety and no fear of "our nonsense." It was a love that he too had obtained from God's grace bestowed upon him.
After leaving the office that day...My husband and I had nothing to talk about,it was a long, silent car ride back home.

This is my 10th year serving the Lord and the understanding of grace has not only become deeper for me but, has become the foundation of my ministry.

Check this out-It doesn't matter what you've done, what you were in the past, how educated you are, what gender you are. The grace of Jesus Christ says-You are loved, you are good enough! It says you were worth dying for!...