I Only Desire You...

May, 2013

What does it mean to allow your anointing to be prostituted or even worse yourself to be prostituted? 

Why is it so easy to give away the jewels the Lord has placed on the inside of me to undeserving people?

I guess the ultimate question is whats wrong with me? 

Different views...different values...

Is it considered a sacrifice to do whatever needs to be done for the peace and happiness of others, if it in turn sends your own soul to hell?  

Do you wait until the peace and happiness of those you love is satisfied,than run far away from the lies?  

If you have run the race this long why not keep running?  

But at the expense of others as well as my own sanity? 

Lord, you have heard my plea for provision, a security in my natural.  You have heard my deepest desires, the longing of my heart, my aspirations.  My passion for you has not died, my love for you has not faded.  My endless pleas for vindication have not subsided.  Yet I am torn by the echoing laughter of happiness and the taunting laughter of ravenous demons, who feed and devour me with thoughts of guilt and shame.  Not the shame of guilt past and forgotten but that of the sin I still reside in..  The state of untruth, the lifestyle of lies..But Lord, it is blanketed by the smells of a kitchen and the rhythm of younger feet across a hard wood floor.  The pain is masked by the smiles of faces looking back at me with sighs of relief and painted images of family.  Yet, in all of this my soul longs for deeper things, pure things, things of spiritual substance..Freedoms from self and corrupt ways.. In this I only desire you...

Cry out to Jesus

Jesus.....This isn't easy…Serving you father...I know you are here. I am waiting...I need to hear from you....I can close my eyes and sense your presence...I can feel the gentleness of your touch as you comfort my weary soul. Why is this so hard? In your presence is where I am safe, you are my refuge. I am crying out to you in my times of uncertainty...This smile that I wear, its becoming heavy...How long Lord until I hear you call my name.

This road we have chosen as Christ followers is not the easy road, this is the road many start on but, soon become weary in their journey. Why?? Whose idea was it to take Jesus out of The Body of Christ? If we are not going there with an expectation to meet The King of Kings, why are we going? Well planned programs do not usher in the transforming power of Jesus Christ...Half hazard worship or a song service quenches the Holy Spirit...He is grieved by our pride and arrogance. Where has the importance of prayer gone...Why have we shunned the Spirit of the Living God? Where is repentance?

Jesus.....Jesus......What have we done? Revive the hearts of humanity!!! We need you…

Hear my cries oh God....Rain down on us...... Touch your people.....Your blood was not shed in vain...We need you....God your never failing love is manifested daily in all that you created... Rain on us...We need you...

Surrounded by so much confusion and Godlessness...This is the time for the believers in Christ Jesus to stand for something...Rise up....Shake off those grave clothes and come forth from the wreckage and praise Him...Go to The Word...READ THE RED LETTERS!!! The time is now...What if tomorrow never comes?

Choose Jesus

Do you know that you are a child of the Risen Lord...What does that mean? That you have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ...That means through the death and resurrection of Jesus, Heaven can be your home......How?? Ask Jesus to be Lord of your life, accept Him as your personal Savior.....

OR

NOT!!!!!...................Darkness has surrounded you...You are unfamiliar with this place....Hello....Is anyone there?? Your eyes are blurred....Hello...Anyone...As you focus on the ground, you notice your arms are bound with chains that have been latched to the earth beneath you…..In fear you try to move your legs...They too have been bound...You can hear your voice echo.....Struggling to get loose, the chains begin to cut into your flesh...Please someone...Help....The air is thick with a dense fog, the smell of sulfur has filled the air....In the distance, there is movement...You can only make out shadows...Trembling with fear you begin to battle the shackles that keep you bound...The struggle is causing a thick cloud of soot...gasping and choking your screams become frantic.....You grow weary and weak...Your arms collapse from exhaustion, your legs feeble from the attempt to free them...There is a frightening silence in this place...Your eyes are burning, you close them...Tears streaming down your cheeks from the poison that has filled the air...With a deep gasp......Where am I.........

A sinister voice from behind, replies....Welcome to your eternity...You are with me....Hesitantly, you try to lift your head, but the weight of this presence is heavy...too heavy to move...Please release me....Horror fills your soul...I know of this place.....Laughter begins to fill the space…The laughter of many from all directions....STOP!!!! Stop laughing at me...Please I want to go home....What has happened?? Where are my friends?? My family?? Wait...Wait.....I remember...The laughing ceases...I was in an accident....I was speeding, I thought I could drive...I only had a few drinks…The road was slick and I lost control of the wheel...Wait... Where is she????? The shadows begin to move...Growling is heard from every corner...Where is she??

Oh...Oh ..Poor child, a voice arrogantly whimpering from behind...She has gone to a place you will never see…Snickering....You didn't want to listen, she tried to tell you...You refused...All the times she invited you and your children to church…

YOUR EXCUSES WERE PATHETIC!!!

She told you about the one she served, you mocked her behind her back...I knew you were to weak to stand for something more than what the world had offered you...I enjoyed listening to you rationalize your lifestyle and lavished in the way you poisoned your body and the minds of your children…BRAVO!!!

SUDDENLY.....frantic voices from far off, a large white light appears above you....
NOOOOOO!!!!! She is mine!!!!!! A thrust surging through your body, the thrust of many volts of electricity...And again...The frantic voices are getting closer with each thrust…The light closer and brighter....The sound of a steady beeping replaces the frightening silence you had recently experienced...You hear your name...Over and over again....

Finally, we have a heart beat...She is back....Your breathing is shallow…In your spirit, you hear a voice...This voice is different from the others.....The voice whispers...It is I....Jesus you choose me?? Not all are given a second chance...
I...Jesus Christ, ...The one you mocked... the one you denied...The one who has saved your soul....I have given you a second chance.....

Do you choose me???....

And We Danced...

Remember your childhood, every new day was a new adventure....The minute your eyes opened you were ready to go...New days brought new lessons, holidays brought so much excitement.. The innocence of our childhood brought such wondrous expectations and a faith that we struggle to maintain as adults. Isn't it ironic how we spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were adults and being adults we often wish we could go back to being children again??

My relationship with Jesus has been a journey into my past...My salvation experience a miracle....My Christianity, a place where I have endured many personal struggles....My Jesus began transforming me from the simplest things to those hidden things that are deep within the very depths of my soul...Those things that have been covered by years of internal suffering and shame..The day I said my prayer of salvation was the day that the shackles of my sin were broken off and I began a journey to emotional and spiritual freedom...The weight of my sin was lifted...The sky seemed brighter, I saw things from somebody elses eyes...It was Jesus!!... I was seeing everything differently...So many things we take for granted...I noticed things I had never paid attention to in the past..

On that day I accepted Jesus..He became my friend..I had someone to talk to...Someone who would never judge me...He loved me no matter what..My soul groaned with such a desire to know Him more and more...I wanted to hear his voice and feel his touch...I wanted to hear Him call my name...

I remember the day like it was yesterday..So much had gone on in a short time of my life in Christ..I had received Him...Attended church and obtained so much knowledge in a short time...It became overwhelming to me..I not only could hear Him call my name, I could see his face and feel His hand as it brushed away my tears..AND THEN....... I laid hopeless on my sofa so confused about the happenings of the last few months...My heart felt like it had been torn to pieces...So much despair and loneliness...Where had Your Spirit gone oh Lord??? How had this happened I sought after you and served you where I was needed..I spoke your words in obedience...What happened?? So many unanswered questions...I felt a creeping darkness take a hold of my sou... Help me, I demanded...I can't find you!!!! I am afraid ...I was hiding my face against the back of my sofa...sobbing...I am afraid!!!! I asked, Were you ever with me? I believed in you..now I am here alone....I began to shutter in my soul, I felt as if the room had dropped 20 degrees...The trembling that was occurring, was a fear that I did not believe existed...I knew for certain it was an evil presence....It was with me in the room, it was hovering over me, I felt familiar emotions of desperation, hopelessness, and despair...

Where did this come from?? I was wounded..I had been beat down, to where I couldn't do it another day..The lies of the enemy had ensnared me...I was drowning, I was dying a spiritual battle that years before I had found victory in...I recall crying for several hours, unable to stop...Where is my victory...Where is my Jesus?? How could something like this happen to me after all I had sacrificed...Where are all these people who I called friends? Oh thinking back... it causes such a well of emotion..This was disconnection....

I finally got the strength and rolled over on the sofa to look the enemy of my soul in the eyes...I saw nothing in the natural, yet I sensed an uneasiness change the atmosphere...I yelled JESUUUUS!!!!! I need you...Come..Come to me...I am weak...I don't feel you..Hurry..Your word says....And in an instant there He was.....Oh.. He is so beautiful..My heart sank into my stomach...Here you are....He was standing in the distance..He seemed so far away from me..The room became calm , the air had warmed...As he stepped toward me..I could see His eyes, the corners of His mouth were turned up slightly...He didn't say a word but his eyes pierced through me...I froze on the couch that day, in utter awe of his presence...He was clothed in the finest of linen...I smiled back softly, in fear that if I had moved suddenly He would be gone...I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks...He approached me...I could see the expression lines on His forehead, I thought my King.. Are those lines from the sorrow you have for your people..I reached out my hand....Will you hold my hand??....He nodded slightly and said ...May I have this dance?? He grabbed me and embraced me in a way that I cannot explain...I felt a surge of energy fill me, every cell in my body lept...I felt as if we had become one soul...There was no seperation between He and I....We danced...He looked at me and said...You are never alone Michelle....Next time my daughter don't wait so long to call my name...I was waiting anxiosly to dance with you.... I gasped and..He was gone.....

Are you listening?...

Have you ever sat in a dark room in silence? Not a sound,....Just you, sitting with you? Just listen...Do you hear the spirit of the Lord calling for you? It will start as an emotion, a sensation in the pit of your stomach. The tears begin to well up in your eyes, did you know they are the windows to your soul? His voice, a sweet melody..He says, "That you are fearfully and wonderfully made." That your mistakes have been erased and your heart restored. Your breathing becomes shallow, your afraid that if you move even the slightest the peace of His presence will dissipate. The sweetest sound I have ever heard was the sound of my name from the very lips of my Jesus...I respond softly Jesus, It's me...I am here. I saw His face, eyes filled with compassion and pain, tears, welling up in the eyes of my Savior. Jesus, why are your fists clenched? Are you angry with me? My child I am not angry, I love you my precious one...My fists are clenched in desperation for the souls of those who know me not. Remember the crown of thorns on my head? I am still being mocked as I was then...why, my child? The room filled with the aroma of a fragrance unfamiliar to me but alluring. Again afraid to move even the slightest in fear that my Lord would leave me ...My daughter Reflect me ...as a mirror shows your reflection...They will know me, by the way that you love...

Lord.....Are you leaving??? Not yet, I'm still listening, don't go!!! When will you meet with me again? Michelle, He whispered, "As I have called upon you, you can call on me...In a whisper, in despair , in loneliness...I'll be there....Sit and Wait, just a minute and I'll be there...In my next breath.....I saw his face look up from a bowed stance...He smiled slightly, blew me a kiss....and disappeared...Until the next time my Jesus!!!