And We Danced...

Remember your childhood, every new day was a new adventure....The minute your eyes opened you were ready to go...New days brought new lessons, holidays brought so much excitement.. The innocence of our childhood brought such wondrous expectations and a faith that we struggle to maintain as adults. Isn't it ironic how we spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were adults and being adults we often wish we could go back to being children again??

My relationship with Jesus has been a journey into my past...My salvation experience a miracle....My Christianity, a place where I have endured many personal struggles....My Jesus began transforming me from the simplest things to those hidden things that are deep within the very depths of my soul...Those things that have been covered by years of internal suffering and shame..The day I said my prayer of salvation was the day that the shackles of my sin were broken off and I began a journey to emotional and spiritual freedom...The weight of my sin was lifted...The sky seemed brighter, I saw things from somebody elses eyes...It was Jesus!!... I was seeing everything differently...So many things we take for granted...I noticed things I had never paid attention to in the past..

On that day I accepted Jesus..He became my friend..I had someone to talk to...Someone who would never judge me...He loved me no matter what..My soul groaned with such a desire to know Him more and more...I wanted to hear his voice and feel his touch...I wanted to hear Him call my name...

I remember the day like it was yesterday..So much had gone on in a short time of my life in Christ..I had received Him...Attended church and obtained so much knowledge in a short time...It became overwhelming to me..I not only could hear Him call my name, I could see his face and feel His hand as it brushed away my tears..AND THEN....... I laid hopeless on my sofa so confused about the happenings of the last few months...My heart felt like it had been torn to pieces...So much despair and loneliness...Where had Your Spirit gone oh Lord??? How had this happened I sought after you and served you where I was needed..I spoke your words in obedience...What happened?? So many unanswered questions...I felt a creeping darkness take a hold of my sou... Help me, I demanded...I can't find you!!!! I am afraid ...I was hiding my face against the back of my sofa...sobbing...I am afraid!!!! I asked, Were you ever with me? I believed in you..now I am here alone....I began to shutter in my soul, I felt as if the room had dropped 20 degrees...The trembling that was occurring, was a fear that I did not believe existed...I knew for certain it was an evil presence....It was with me in the room, it was hovering over me, I felt familiar emotions of desperation, hopelessness, and despair...

Where did this come from?? I was wounded..I had been beat down, to where I couldn't do it another day..The lies of the enemy had ensnared me...I was drowning, I was dying a spiritual battle that years before I had found victory in...I recall crying for several hours, unable to stop...Where is my victory...Where is my Jesus?? How could something like this happen to me after all I had sacrificed...Where are all these people who I called friends? Oh thinking back... it causes such a well of emotion..This was disconnection....

I finally got the strength and rolled over on the sofa to look the enemy of my soul in the eyes...I saw nothing in the natural, yet I sensed an uneasiness change the atmosphere...I yelled JESUUUUS!!!!! I need you...Come..Come to me...I am weak...I don't feel you..Hurry..Your word says....And in an instant there He was.....Oh.. He is so beautiful..My heart sank into my stomach...Here you are....He was standing in the distance..He seemed so far away from me..The room became calm , the air had warmed...As he stepped toward me..I could see His eyes, the corners of His mouth were turned up slightly...He didn't say a word but his eyes pierced through me...I froze on the couch that day, in utter awe of his presence...He was clothed in the finest of linen...I smiled back softly, in fear that if I had moved suddenly He would be gone...I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks...He approached me...I could see the expression lines on His forehead, I thought my King.. Are those lines from the sorrow you have for your people..I reached out my hand....Will you hold my hand??....He nodded slightly and said ...May I have this dance?? He grabbed me and embraced me in a way that I cannot explain...I felt a surge of energy fill me, every cell in my body lept...I felt as if we had become one soul...There was no seperation between He and I....We danced...He looked at me and said...You are never alone Michelle....Next time my daughter don't wait so long to call my name...I was waiting anxiosly to dance with you.... I gasped and..He was gone.....

The Name is Jesus

Walking down a dirt road, scared and alone... She can feel the chill of the night on the back of her neck...Her eyes scan the woods that line the road, she feels as if eyes are following every foot step she takes..Her walking becomes brisk, she looks back..How did I get here, she wonders.....This road is not familiar...How do I get out of here? She can hear murmuring sounds from behind the tree line, the leaves begin to rustle...An unpleasant odor fills the atmosphere...The sounds are frightening!!! She becomes frozen in her stance, legs are too weak to run, and her voice, she can't seem to find it...The sounds seem closer, the murmuring has turned to a suspicious growling....Help!!! She can't scream, everything in her is shuttering in fear...How did I get on this road??? Suddenly dark shadows loom in closer from the road side......These shadows, they have no form, they came toward her with such force, they knocked her off of her feet. An arctic chill filled the air, causing her deep breathing to be visible. Her hands clenched the dirt road, her eyes shut tightly...These shadows have a voice, they say....You are a failure, You will never amount to anything, You are filthy, No one will ever love you....Eyes welling with tears....Frantic screams, desperate cries...The shadows become stronger, they are gaining their strength, they can sense she is becoming weaker...They torment her....Don't you remember where you came from? Don't you remember the terrible things you have done? You are a disgrace...And again, no one will ever love you. The shadows have tripled in size and in numbers...She is lying face down on a cold dirt road, The shadows begin to beat on her flesh, her body hasn't a fight left in her...Her soul has surrendered...

The shadows sense that she has given up....They retreat, back into the dark abyss they had emerged from..After several hours of hysterical tears and replaying the words spoken over her, She tries to pull herself from the tear soaked dirt...Her soul is weak and her body feels broken...How did I get here??? A dim light appears in the distance, a rustling of the trees startle her....The wind seems to be picking up....The light is moving toward her, she struggles to get to her feet..Upon standing the light disappears. Her heart racing and her body trembling, she tries to gain control...A voice from behind her breaks the silence...How did you get here? She reluctantly turns, in front of her stands a man with eyes of compassion.... Shuttering, She pleads, "Please help me"...The man reaches out His hand , she flinches....I will not hurt you, You don't know me, but I have known you...I know all things...You are not a failure, you have plans and purposes, you are beautiful and I will always love you...Your past is not your future and I do know where you come from...Sobbing...She asks, Who are you?...With his hands clasping her face He says I am...Jesus.... your father...You came from me, I created you..I chose the color of your eyes....The sound of your laughter... and have counted every tear you have cried...Where have you been? I have been here your whole life, I have sent my people to you, they tried to tell you about me, but you weren't ready to listen.. Why have you come now??? Now is the time, that you must recieve me...You have much to do for me and my people...There are people waiting to hear your story..Only you can lead them to me...Will you follow me? He bent forward and kissed her forehead....Her eyes closed and her knees weakened...She opened her eyes..and He was gone....

WAIT!!!! Jesus...Jesus...Don't leave...I believe...I believe...You are my father....Daddy, Daddy.....Please come back..I am afraid......A hand brushes her hair from behind...she swiftly turns...JESUS!!! It's you ...You came back...She lept into His arms, embracing her He said,..."You don't have to be afraid anymore I am here, just call my name.....Nothing else...Just JESUS!!!!!"

The Storm...

In the still of the night, I can hear you...I hear you Lord, in the sound of the wind as it blows through the trees.......In the sound of the ocean as the waves hit the shore..... In the laughter of my children as they play in the sun........I now can also see.... Things in a wider spectrum, especially the sky. It reminds me of myself some days its bright and warm and other days its lonely and grey....Then the days when storms begin to set in and so quickly send the atmosphere into utter chaos...still I see you...Jesus, the winds they come in from every direction, lightning from a source unknown and the loud claps of thunder!!! And now, the rain, it just keeps falling and falling.....Will it ever stop?.......Are you here, in the storm ? Wait, I can still hear you and still see you....You've come to rescue me, even in this storm!!!!

So many storms have come and gone, some more severe than others. Every storm has brought me to a higher level of understanding of who I am suppose to be. Without Jesus my storms were so lonely, always wondering ....Am I going to get through this one? His hand has reached down and lifted me out of my places of desperation and a hopelessness I can not revisit. Will there always be storms you ask? Yes always...And there will always be a hand to lift you out of the wreckage, The same hand that was nailed to the cross, the same hand that will deliver you from the hand of the enemy.That hand is the hand of Jesus.....Call out in your storm...Jesus It's Me..........