Monday, March 30, 2009

Walk with me...I want you to meet someone...

Many nights laying in bed staring at the ceiling wondering what did I just do? But at the time it was fun, even exhilarating...For that brief moment I felt he loved me..Rationalizing my actions, I brushed it off as if I was the one hurting him. The smell of his cologne still lingered in the atmosphere, I would close my eyes and concentrate on disappearing into another thought. My mind raced, he took something I can never get back, wait...I've changed my mind...Give it back!!! That was mine, I was saving that for someone who loved me. Weeping....An agonizing emptiness, a loneliness unfamiliar to me. Many years had passed since that experience, however that loneliness would creep in when I had not expected it to.
I hid the shame of that dreadful night hiding behind masks...My masks were very convincing, so convincing that I soon thought I was healed, i thought I had put it all behind me....Until one too many drinks at the club or a familiar song on the radio...the scent of the cologne, that I can still remember today...The wounds that I endured during my life had become to great a burden for me to bear...That one night turned into many nights, leaving me with less of me every time...What do you give when all has been taken from you?
There's nothing left...You become empty, hollow................. Walk with me.....I want to show you something.....Can you picture this, can you smell the ocean, and feel the mist as the waves roll along the shore? You are wearing a white flowing dress...The wind presses firmly against you as you dig your toes into the sand...Inhale.........From the distance you see a figure walking toward you dressed in white linen...You listen as the wind blows gently by your ear...You hear...I am coming my love....Your heart begins to race....Your thinking, I do not know you, but the feeling is intoxicating.....You step toward the figure of an unfamiliar face...Don't I know you? I'm sure I've seen you before. Come to me...Your steps start out hesitant and as you become closer, your steps become deliberate and have a sense of urgency....Where are you? I am here, says the voice masked by the blowing wind and the rushing waters. You turn briskly, It is you...I have seen you before, when I was between asleep and awake, I've seen you. The man replied, And I have seen you...I created you fearfully, I called you by name...My dear I was with you that night when you cried your self to sleep, I sat at the foot of your bed. I listened as you prayed, I will never leave you, I will never take what you are not willing to give.....
What is this journey I took you on you ask?? Its one of the many I take in my times of sorrow...My Jesus meets me on the ocean, in golden meadows, and at the foot of my bed...He meets me in church, at home...He attended my wedding and smiled in approval. He protects my children when I am unable. He sits with me in the stillness of the night...And he'll be the first one waiting when my last breath is taken and his arms will embrace me and welcome me home...